Pregnancy loss at any stage can be truly shattering

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21: A familiar phrase, “you can’t be just a little bit pregnant” is a binary statement.  

As explained by www.urbandictionary.com:  “One either is pregnant or is not, there is no in between or partial pregnancy.

“It is a situation in which there is no ambiguity or gray area.”

But pregnancies come in all lengths and durations. 

A chemical pregnancy is the clinical term used for a very early miscarriage. In many cases, the positive pregnancy test was achieved but a miscarriage occurred before a heartbeat was seen on an ultrasound, around six to eight weeks gestation.

Five of my seven pregnancies ended this way. A little bit pregnant — forever gone.

Pregnancy loss at any stage is deep and shattering. The smallest moment can and should be acknowledged and mourned for what it is, a profound loss.  

From The Miscarriage Manual: Coping with the Emotional Aspects of Pregnacy Loss by Elizabeth Carney: “The truth isn’t that you will feel “all better” in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.

“The truth is that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.

“The truth isn’t that a new pregnancy will help you forget.

“The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved.

Draining

“Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining.

“This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.

“The truth isn’t that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.

“The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing.

“However, if your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions.

“The truth isn’t that once this is over your life will be the same.

“The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later.

“When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.

“The truth isn’t that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.

“The truth is that grieving is work that must be done.

“Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others.

“Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.

“The truth isn’t that one person can bear this alone.

“The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you.

“They are afraid to “butt in,” or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless.

“They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don’t need to be told, ‘I’m doing fine’ when you’re really not doing fine.

“By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.