Listening brings about understanding

FRIDAY, JANUARY 4: By now, most of us have received dozens of ‘Happy New Year’ greetings through any number of means and I suppose because it’s the traditional or polite thing to say, many people feel better at having done their duty in... well... being traditional or polite.

After all, what else is there to say? But what does that phrase actually mean?
Without any full understanding of another’s circumstances, most of the time when we say “Happy New Year” most of us are expressing a hope for another to experience joy and success and perhaps even wealth and good health — far greater than in times past — in a brand new year.

And I believe most people mean what they express. But there are far too many people who speak for the sake of speaking and who rarely take the time to listen.
In our hectic day to day business we tend to do and say things which, if we really stopped to analyze such actions and words, would cause us to realize that perhaps our actions are not as sincere as we might think.

Let’s use for example the everyday greeting: “Hi. Ha you?” This is Bermudian version of, “Hi. How are you?”
I get much amusement out of people watching.

This activity has actually caused me to spring into action on many an occasion to assist someone in need so it has come in handy from time to time.
But I’m always perplexed at watching people pass others on the streets, make eye contact and saying, “Hi. Ha you?” The ‘you’ usually carries on to an extended tone with which a musical conductor could easily give a count to three.

Before that person has a chance to answer, the greeter has carried on along their merry way leaving the recipient no time to answer — other than, the polite and traditional ‘fine thank you'.

How often do we see people we know, ask ‘ha you?’ and wait for a real answer? Most of us don’t.
And what if the person we greeted really wanted to answer that question and share with us the goings on in their life? Would we really take the time to listen?

Listening is key. It keeps us in tune to others and it helps us to understand what we can do to encourage and praise and perhaps to even help when we need to.
Listening does not mean that we have to say anything in return.
Sometimes people want to share their successes while others may want to share their pain.

But whatever it is that they feel the need to share, as listeners we need to understand that’s not the time to share our personal stories to burst someone else’s bubble or to make what they share of lesser importance.

You know the type — the person who always has to share a story about themselves or someone they know who’s had a situation that depicts something more dramatic than the one being told.

I remember teaching a group of young people many years ago a lesson on listening and there was a quote I shared with them which I feel many adults can take to heart also: “You don’t have to blow out my candle to make yours shine brighter".

So as we begin a new year, let’s be reminded that we were born with one mouth and two ears.
Let’s listen more and tune in more to those around us — our families and friends, neighbours and co-workers.

Listening brings about understanding and understanding will in turn bring about a better and more harmonious community.
Oh — and by the way — Happy New Year!

Shawnette Somner is an educator and mother. E-mail: [email protected]