Exclusive: Meet Derpuntae - Bermuda’s first meme

What are your best memories of growing up in Bermuda?

Summer time as a kid buh! Nuffin but flexin vif de bredins, chackin de girls and showin off ya wikidest dive dahn de dock.

What Bermuda tradition could you not live without?

Havin’ GingaBurr in de family function drink tank. Like dat durr is a must don! It just ank’een a gathering wifout it like.

Name your three favourite ‘Bermewdian vurds’ (and translate them).

Ganzy: de press (set of clothes) you spend hours tryna put together to show off.

Spose-to: Acknowledgment. Like if didnt’een kno bout de GingahBurr at de family function, ya sposeto. 

Squadrin: Ya bredrins.

What do you do during a hurricane?

Well when ah’s youngah, ah’d just light a candle rahn de dinna table play pure crazy 8s and spades vif my
brotha til we lot dozed off... Nah dat guys are oldah, guys doze off from different reasons...

Where do you hang out with your ace boys at the
weekend?

Um sayin like, durr ank’een just one spot like. Guys are always pullin some mission but if um over my bredrin’s, sometimes guys  get kicked out cuz de rents’ carry on bud like, talking bout “you lot always wailin back and eatin up my groshrees.” Like relax moms.

Describe the word
“bimpert”.

A bimpert is justah wuffless bye. Arrywun knows one bimpert like, it’s always one inna group ov frenz.  Arrybody keeps sayin’ umma bimpert but ah’een curr like it’s whateva coz I know who de real bimperts are.

Cup Match – Somerset or St Georges?

Um um jus fa whoeva wins, as long as she’s a party buh! But my nana’s fa St George’s if dat durr counts...

Who gave you your worst licks and why?

Well, um not too good in school... (Don’t diss de spelling!) But anyways, I stayed back a second year and my papa was visiting when momma was opening de report card. Papa gave me de muggest moment in my life like. 

Ya boy told me find de biggest oleander stick outside and I tried come back vif de smallest one, you know,  thinkin ah’s all slick like only to find out de smalla ones sting buh! 

Couldnt’een sit for a week Sarah, hurr me? Rubbin vaseline and aloe on my bumpy an erryding (shaking head).

What’s your best pick up line?

Well I tried dub up dis fine ding right, and ah’s like... “Ay, you heard KFC’s closing dahn? Mah treat you to de last three piece! Next ding you know, she was only a rumour dat KFC was closing... I felt all mug like.

Describe the perfect fishcake.

Sarah buh, lemmetellyou... Fishcake on raizin bread vif fried onion, tomatah, and some mennaize? What buh?! Pure wellness, hurr me? Try dat durr, um sers, try it, waaaaal buh!

What’s your favourite spot on the island?

Prolly hav’ta say Horseshoe, like its just pure memories dahn durr.

What’s the best advice you ever received?

When my Deddy said “A happy wife is a happy family.” 

From dat day on, um been tryna keep momma happy, coz I realized dat if she enk, nobody is.

What is the one item you will not leave the house without?

De iPod, I caunt’een function vifout a ill vibe. 

What’s the strangest thing you have seen anyone do on two wheels?

Saw dis bye rahn Blackwatch Pass walking his dog runnin’ de jittla by di sidewalk... 

Ahs’like ye’enk sers! Gas is expensive nahdays bredrin!

How did you get out of
doing regiment?

I asked my uncle make me a fake cast. Ran dat durr cast for a few days, and moms was like, “ya
sucha  schema!”

Where do you get your
favourite ‘greeze’?

Art Mels fa sure. Een’doe some people say “Aunt Mels”.

What’s your liquor of choice?

Ye’enk bud if ye’enk drinking de Hennessey... sposeto.

Who is your favourite
Bermuda character and why?

Prolly Johnny Barnes. Coz arrytime I try tell girls “I love em” dey get all saucy like, “Ew Derpuntae.” How ya boy does it like?

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a tourist do?

Ahs working one summer dahn Sonesta as a yout and deez byes wha tryna learn how to run de rental. Ay buh, lemmetellyou Sarah, dis bye tried pulla SpiderMan runnin de 50 up a wall.

What is the biggest threat to Bermuda?

Prolly unemployment. Most ov my bredrins ank’een gotta job so de more mischievous ones are getting outta hand coz she nuffin to do, and you caunt afford school do like ya stuck hurr doing nuffin.

When ah’s youngah, Bermy was known for arrywun being family, if someone needed help they had it from a cousin or neighbuh. If a bye was acting up, he got cracks from whoever caught him den his parents, but now, shes like arrywun for demselves. 

So I’ll prolly say de biggest threat to Bermy is de new selfish mentality like, she ank helpin no one in de end.

What’s the number one Bermudian rule of etiquette?

Ya gotta say Good Mawnin! If you dont, you prolly ank gonna have a good day. Um missed pure buses for not saying it buh...

What do you love most about your fellow countrymen?

De Bermy pride when holidays and or ah big sports game comes rahn. Oh oh! And de fact dat guys are jus born riders, de narrow roads are proof.

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