‘A farewell Chris deserved’

It was an idyllic setting on Sunday as Chris Spencer’s family and close friends finally got the chance to say a last farewell.

At Grape Bay beach, where he grew up, close to 30 people gather to release the ashes of Mr Spencer, who died a year ago at the age of twenty-five from a suspected heroin overdose.

With no real answers as to the exact cause of his death and having waited for over 12 months for his toxicology report, Spencer’s mother, Lynn, looked to the support of her family and Chris’ childhood friends, to say a last goodbye.

“The ceremony was beautiful,” she told the Bermuda Sun. “Not only was the service about the release of Chris’ ashes, it was also a physical and emotional release for myself, and all of his friends and family.”  

Members of the party gathered in a circle around Bishop Nicholas Dill, who led the ceremony with a psalm, and shared the story of a similar death that happened no more than  two weeks after Spencer’s.

Lynn said: “I gave it a year to have the reports back, I really would like to know how he died. Was it bad drugs?  Was it was an overdose? I am no more closer to knowing the answer.”  

After Chris’ death, Lynn  pounded on the doors of anyone in Government who might be able to help her retrieve the toxicology report of her son.

Now, a year later, Ms. Spencer finally released her son’s ashes into the Atlantic.

“We were in a place we knew he always loved to be, with the most beautiful palette of light that an artist could have ever hoped for,” Chris’ aunt, Shelly Greene, said.

“It really made you feel closer to Chris, and what made it even more powerful was seeing all of Christopher’s friends there.”

Lynn agreed: “I really wanted this to be a chance for his friends to have some closure. I remember when I was young, the first time I lost a friend, I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye.” 

Once the sun had set, and the Chinese lanterns had slowly made their way into the atmosphere, the congregation left in darkness.

Lynn said: “In hindsight I am glad to have waited this long to let go of his ashes.  

“A year later I was more prepared emotionally to give him a send off he deserved.”

As part of  her efforts to come to terms with Chris’ death, Lynn has decided to bring to Bermuda an organization called GRASP; a group counselling organization aimed at supporting persons who have lost a loved one to a substance.

“GRASP means ‘Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing’,” she explained. 

“About six months ago I found this organization online for individuals dealing with grief after losing someone to a substance.

“Anyone in the group has to either have had a family member, a close friend, a partner or a spouse, that has died from a substance addiction.  

“I am going to take the brochures around to the doctors’ offices, funeral homes, the hospital — anywhere that somebody might pick it up. It is an extremely private group, just like AL-Anon, following the oath of privacy and understanding.”

When asked what made this organization so different from the others, Lynn said: “GRASP centres on sharing one’s feelings, and having the freedom to speak about your grief, because there is so much involved.  

“There’s anger and regret to name a few feelings.  Because one’s emotions get so out of whack when living with an addict. You become an enabler most of the time, which I absolutely was.

“You want to have hope that the addiction can be stopped. It’s a very manipulating disease — it just takes a lot of time to get back into the real world and heal.”

Lynn Spencer is also a board member of the non-profit organization called Focus, a charity that deals with helping addicts overcome their addiction and coaching families whose loved ones are addicts. 

“I am getting involved because I want the world to know that addicts aren’t bad people  When you have an addiction, you become a different person.  

“You flip-flop back and forth, because you know what you’re doing is wrong. Chris described the feeling that heroin gives you as the most wonderful, euphoric feeling you could ever feel.  

“It took away every pain that he had, everything, including the depression, the guilt and anger at himself for being an addict. 

“Nobody comes into this world with an ambition to become an addict, it’s that ‘first mistake’ that addicts regret for the rest of their lives. My hope is to help others understand that addiction is a disease, a sickness, and that dealing with the grief of losing someone to such an illness is a real challenge — you need to have support with other people who understand.” 

Lynn Spencer will launch  GRASP with non-profit Caron Bermuda. Visit their website grasphelp.org or email  Lynn at: [email protected]