January 30, 2013 at 5:54 p.m.
Refusing to deliver our mail is immoral and bone-headed
"My dearest beloved papá, you can't believe how excited I am to have finally tracked you down after 23 years of searching! If you will only reply and let me know you want to see me, I will fly from Caracas to Pagette, Bermudas, to finally meet you..." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Dear Mr. Vesey, further examination of your laboratory specimens has shown that the mix of anti-psychotics prescribed during your latest confinement at the Duluth Centre are, in fact, almost certain to increase dangerously delusional episodes. It is important that you..." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Thrifty's Dollar Motel, Baton Rouge, Louisiana: Please find enclosed one pair of boxer shorts with an alligator motif that you left behind in the room you rented early in the afternoon of June 17.
"We have also enclosed the tip envelope, which was empty even though it had '$20' written on the outside..." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Dear Mr. Vesey, the bill for annual upkeep of your family grave is enclosed. Please be reminded that it must be paid by the 1st of the month or the plot will be sold and you will have to be buried at sea..." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Dear Tom, here's a photo of your grandmother that I found while clearing out some old boxes. We all remember her dearly but as far as I know, this is the only picture anybody has of her...." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Commonwealth of Massachusetts Docket No. 4332709170HJ. Important notice: Moving violation ticket copied below must be paid by September 15, 2009, or a warrant for the arrest of Thomas Vesey, Paget, Bermuda, will be issued..." RETURN TO SENDER!
Heirs
"Amor mio, I think of you every day. I have so many regrets since I took your money and ran to Venezuela. I believe we were meant to be together. I was mucho estupidá...." RETURN TO SENDER!
"Dear Mr. Vesey, I represent the estate of Mr. Vanderbilt Rockefeller-Gould, who died in 2003 without known heirs. Our research has determined that you are the closest living relative and, therefore, his sole heir.
"In addition to being the largest private landowner in Manhattan, Mr. Rockefeller-Gould was the second-largest shareholder in Microsoft, and had inherited from his father the patent for petro-leum...." RETURN TO SENDER!
What happened next? I have no way of knowing.
It is impossible for me to know if they were ever sent in the first place because the post office no longer delivers letters with an error in the address.
But letters are not just letters - a fact known by the professionals who actually deliver the mail, as opposed to the bozos higher up the chain who make the policies.
Letters are hope, opportunity, love, dreams, knowledge, wealth and pieces of our lives. Refusing to deliver mail, when the postal authorities know exactly who it is for and where they live, is crass, immoral and bone-headed.
The postal authorities have arrogantly scolded us to remind our correspondents of our address and ensure they use them.
Control
But most people have long and complicated address books and plenty of half-lost friends and relatives long before they reach middle age.
And who among us can possibly control how our address appears on business mail, subscriptions and mailing lists?
If they knew anything about mail, our postal authorities would remember that the most important correspondence is almost always unexpected - a bolt from the blue that changes your life for good or ill. The postal authorities seem to be taking perverse pride in their refusal to deliver mail unless it is addressed exactly right, even if they know where it is to go.
I wish they would take pride instead in their determination to deliver mail, even when the address is wrong or incomplete.
It's not like Bermuda is a huge, chaotic city. We're small. We're meant to know and look after each other.
I don't know how much work is involved in returning all this mail to the original sender.
But I hope some of it ends up being sent to another country, if there is one, which has the same misbegotten policy.
Then they could send the mis-addressed mail back and forth between each other for eternity until they collapse under the weight of their own foolishness.[[In-content Ad]]
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