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Okay folks, its officially time to get your shovels out! Before you know it we'll be knee deep in crap. There'll be so much manure flying around that they won't need to worry about importing soil for the National Cricket Pitch. But before the campaigns gear up, call your favourite radio station and get them to play a song by a group aptly named "The Undisputed Truth". The song is called "Smiling Faces Sometimes". Listen to the words and remember them when the canvassing begins.

And now some random thoughts.

Calling someone "a successful politician" is like calling them "an accomplished liar".

There hasn't been a Parliament this "Funked Up" since George Clinton gave us the original "Dr Funkenstein" in 1977! Now there's a suggestion for next year's Music Festival.

Local Politics is a lot like the "Buy Bermuda" Campaign. I understand why it's important to shop in Bermuda - how it keeps the economy going and keeps Bermudians employed. "Buying Bermuda" is a good thing and we should all do it, but the local retailers have to do their part and stock goods that we want to buy. If I want blue slacks I'm not going to buy gray ones just because that's all they've got in my size.

Like local retailers, Bermuda's Political Parties should not expect us to vote for them just because they're the only option to the other guys. They have to offer something appealing. Politicians are like children. They demand a higher allowance, because "all the other kids get more", but they refuse to do more work to deserve it. Then there is the constant bickering and the petty squabbles that are irritating to the mature people.

And their behaviour improves when special times roll around. Christmas promises presents for good girls and boys so they are on their best behaviour during the weeks and months leading up to the 25th. Politicians do the same thing as election time approaches.

You'd better be good

There's lots of activity and promises that they will finally get around to looking like they might actually do what they said they would do in the last election and every throne speech since.

Just look at all the current activity in Housing. If the PLP had made any serious effort to address the housing crisis during their first eight years they wouldn't need to use SDOs to rush these projects through just before the election in an effort to convince us that they really care.

And like children, politicians will repeat behaviour that is rewarded. If your child gets a cookie whenever he throws a tantrum he will continue to be unruly. If he expects to get a slap up side his head he'll be less likely to act up. If politicians keep getting re-elected no matter how badly they perform they have no reason to improve their behaviour. But, if some of them actually lose their seat because they failed to deliver, then maybe the winners will actually get something done.

Politicians are like dogs. Every now and then they need a smack with the proverbial rolled up newspaper. If they continue to ruin the environment by crapping in the house they need their noses rubbed in it and a severe scolding.

I don't expect my Government (whoever they are) to be perfect. No one is perfect. Even I've been wrong before - it was last year when I thought that I'd made a mistake. But to quote the great English philosopher, Andy Capp: "I don't expect perfection, just a damn sight less imperfection"

Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly - and for exactly the same reason. We have only changed ours once in forty years and the stench is getting pretty bad. I think its time some of them felt the "Luvs".[[In-content Ad]]

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