Parents should marshall their child's friendships closely

FRIDAY, JAN 27: Good friends are hard to find and the qualities of genuine friendship are tested during difficult times.

That test is passed with flying colours when we have the opportunity to laugh with one another in a comfortable, non-threatening environment and share memories for old times’ sake, while creating new ones all at the same time.

Good friends are rare. Genuine friends are even rarer. But how many of us mistake friends for acquaintances? On whom do we rightly bestow the title ‘friend?’

When we grew up, one thing was for certain — our parents were the security guards to our friendships. They monitored the people we hung around with and delved into our friends’ back pockets, so to speak. 

We made friends through competition within our own schools and through inter-school activities and more often than not, our closest friends were those who lived in our neighbourhoods and spent numerous weekly hours in our houses.

We played together, ate together and even had the occasional fist fight but we remained friends nonetheless. Grudges, although short lived, didn’t seem to exist because we forgot about them quickly, oftentimes with the help of caring adults who helped us work out our differences. 

Our school friends visited our homes and our neighbourhoods and new lasting bonds of friendships were formed among our peers who hailed from one end of the island to the other. No matter where a person lived, his location was determined by his surname, yet he was a welcome visitor in our neck of the woods. 

Within and among schools we knew who the best of our peers were island-wide in athletics and academics. The competition was fierce but friendly. 

Forming healthy and long lasting friendships is vital for positive social development.

It teaches individuals how to understand, accept and appreciate the differences and similarities of others and it helps all of us to learn that through this process we can agree or disagree without compromise to either our own or another person’s integrity or self-esteem.  We learn to respect others just because of who they are. 

In 2012, it seems that the values adults held dear — that allowed us to be good people in order to be a good friend — have been tossed out of the proverbial window. As a result, our young people are befriending people of whom parents have no background knowledge and regrettably also seem to lack the desire to find out much about who their children call “friend”.

Sleepovers

Activities such as parties and sleepovers, for example, occur on a regularly basis without much prior parental knowledge of the goings on of these events and tragically, in some instances, without the proper supervision of a mature adult.

Our youth are being connected to all kinds of people via technology and at times with others whose age is inappropriate for interaction.

It is up to the parents to monitor friend formations and have regular communication with their children on selecting friends and to be more diligent in checking their children’s interactive technology tools.

I’ve been fortunate to have  friends I’m still very close to since my days of primary school.  What never ceases to amaze me is that even if months have gone by and we haven’t talked with each other, we resume conversation as if no time has gone by and we always have so much to talk about. We have a mental library of memories that continue to make us laugh no matter how many times we share the same stories over and over.

We hope our children will grow up with the same bonds of close friendships with people they meet along life’s journey. Let’s help our children to learn and understand the true meaning of friendship.

Tune in to my next talk show when the topic will be about young people and their friends.

Shawnette Somner is the host of Generations, which airs on DeFontes Broadcasting Company’s AM1450 Gold, 7.30-9pm every Monday. E-mail [email protected]. Call in live during the show on 295-1450.