Hair today, gone tomorrow - I'm loving the lasers

WEDNESDAY, JAN 18: I will never have to shave again. Ever.

No more razors, painful waxes or offensive smelling hair removal creams.

Following my recent series of laser hair removal procedures at Elan Clinic (bikini line and underarms) I will be forever prepared for spontaneous beach trips, swimming pool adventures and Mexican Waves.

And, shocked by the hair-raising results, I have decided to throw all pride out of the window and share my ‘hair today, gone tomorrow’ experience with you. (No more hair puns to follow, I promise).

Under the FDA, there are no lasers that can actually guarantee permanence when it comes to removing unwanted hairs.

Whether or not the stem cells were killed is the determining factor and only a small percentage of stems of each follicle are destroyed with each laser session if the settings are optimal.

So, with that little grey cloud out of the way, I will continue.

First things first, “does it hurt?”

If you’ve ever had a wax before, then this will be a piece of cake (this is coming from someone with a very low pain threshold, by the way). It is described by those ‘in the biz’ as “the pain equivalent to the gentle snap of an elastic band against your skin”.

But, honestly, it is not even that bad. Some more ‘delicate’ areas of the body (if you get my drift) are a bit more sensitive than others of course but, overall, the discomfort was minimal.

Also, it is safe enough to have it done anywhere on your body — I’m talking no more mono-brows, gorilla arms, sasquatch backs, or carpet chests (if you don’t want them, that is!).

If I could, I would absolutely get my legs done too. Alas, my leg hairs are blonde and laser hair removal can only be successful when targeting dark hair — as the laser is attracted to the dark pigment of the hairs. Sorry all redheads, grey haired folk and albinos who have just wasted their time reading this far.

Timewise, it takes less than ten minutes to actually perform the treatment for both underarms and the bikini area. I actually go during my lunch break.

Once you arrive at the clinic and have filled in the appropriate forms, you are moved into a private room for the procedure.

Depending on the area being treated, you may be asked to slip into a robe for the sake of modesty.

There are various numbing options available.

A special numbing gel can be topically applied to the skin or else you can go with the old fashioned route of holding an icepack to your skin for several seconds. But, again, the “pain” — if you can even call it that — really does not warrant anything further than the icepack.

The laser therapist then marks out the area to be treated in order to provide her with clear guidelines of what you want.

Shave first

Now, a helpful tip from the pro — shave before you get there. I forgot this vital pre-visit instruction and consequently had to suffer the indignity of having my poor laser therapist shave me.

The shaving ritual should ideally be done about one to three days before laser hair removal. Do not wax. Also, make sure you shave as close as possible to the skin.

This will allow the laser to target the most energy towards the hair follicle, rather than the skin, and ultimately means less discomfort for you.

Also — my advice to the ladies — think carefully about your decision when it comes to eh hem…the ‘nether regions’.

Resist the temptation to say, “Ah shucks, take it all off!”

As a good friend once told me, you don’t want to look like you’re five when your 70. Also, I personally believe that a little shrubbery can actually add to the curb appeal, so to speak.

Now, back to the procedure. At this point you — marked out like a tic-tack-toe board – are handed special protective glasses to protect your eyes from any accidental, momentary direct beams.

The laser therapist then ‘braces you for impact’ by telling you she is about to start.

She ‘zaps’ each area marked out by the marks she made. One underarm should take about eight one-second zaps to treat the whole area.

You will immediately smell the scent of burning feathers as each hair follicle is burned and destroyed. Yay — death to hairs!

After it is all over and you have wondered why you waited so long to get this done, you are handed an aloe-based soothing gel to “calm” the area before being sent on your hairless way.

However, the week following the procedure you will probably begin to wonder if the whole thing was just a farce — as all the treated areas started to grow back…much in the same way they do after a routine shave.

Smooth

And then…the coolest thing happens — about a week after the treatment those dead hairs that were lasered will actually push themselves out of your skin, and out of your life, forever. And you will be left with the smoothest skin you ever had. That was my experience anyway —it varies from person to person.

Worth mentioning is the need to have it done several times as different hair grows at different rates. Therefore you may catch Crop A the first time but Crop B and C may have not sprouted at the time of your first laser procedure.

So I paid for a pack of six treatments, which works out cheaper than paying per session. I have only had three of them so far but can already claim that the targeted areas have already experienced 90 per cent ‘deforestation’.

Now, the question I shirk from — the cost. I confess, it is not cheap. Laser treatments are pretty expensive anywhere you go. But, if you do the math, it works out to actually save you money in the long run.

Let’s say, ladies, you get your legs waxed every two months. A full leg is $70 a pop at most salons in Bermuda. That works out to $420 per year or $8,400 for 20 years!

The laser treatment will be a fraction of that and then it is gone — at least, that is how I rationalized it to myself.

But enough of me ‘waxing lyrical’ about this treatment.

To find out more for yourself go to www.elanclinic.com or call 296-7439. They are located at The Mount, Penthouse level, 10 Cavendish Road, Pembroke.