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I had a conversation not too long ago with a woman in her mid-20s. She told me in no uncertain terms that if her man didn't hit her a ringing slap every now and then, and cheat on her on a regular basis, it wouldn't be real love.

Needless to say I thought she was joking, then I thought maybe she had a bit too much to drink.

But as we talked further I found that she was dead serious. She wasn't intoxicated, not by alcohol anyway. It was more like being under the influence of lust in the guise of what she believed to be true love.

Then I ran into a 22-year-old woman who was telling her friend of her recent break-up with her boyfriend after two years. He was a bit older than her. He doesn't work, lives at home with his mom and doesn't pay for any of the four children he fathered with four different mothers who are now raising them on their own. It made me wonder why she would even start a relationship with this man. Was it love or lust?

Surely she would want a man who at least holds down a steady job, preferably without dependents. More importantly, why would she fall in love with a man who doesn't support his own children? What was it that made her feel he wouldn't step off, shirking his responsibilities, if she too got pregnant?

Something's seriously wrong with our young people's interpretation of love, particularly on the part of our young women. Too many equate sex with love. Having sex with someone doesn't mean it's love. Most sexual partners love it while they're doing it. Once it's done in most cases that's it.

Sex is not love

What's worse is too many young women think that because they're 'giving it up regularly, that the guy belongs to them. Giving him sex doesn't make him yours, neither is what he's giving you. It belongs to him to do as he pleases.

Today you hear of women fighting each other over a man, when their beef should be with him. Just because you gave it up doesn't mean he loves you, it doesn't mean he'll respect you, either. The operative word in the so-called 'Free Willy Syndrome' is 'free!'

We've heard a lot about the impact of no fathers on our young men, but what about the impact on young girls? Much of what we're seeing on the part of our young women could be linked to the impact of no father figure in their lives as well. After all, your father is the first man to love his little girl unconditionally. When they grow up, young women often look for their father's qualities in the men they date. Without that template, they have little to go on, which may be the crux of that alluring thug appeal.

Usually it's the father who warns his daughter, "Stay away from that guy, he's up to no good." She normally wouldn't gravitate towards the thug in the first place if her father played a strong role in her early childhood. Even if she's fortunate enough to grow up with both parents, there's that 'BET' influence and the influence of her peers. From an early age, young boys learn that it's not cool to be intelligent. And guess what? Later on they learn that bookworms or nerds don't get much play from the girls, either.

Amid all this 'Town & Country' nonsense, you know what I hear most? The Town Crew send their girlfriends up to the west end hip hop clothing store or to the hippest fashion store in the east to shop for the latest trends. They send pictures of the jeans and jerseys via cellphones for their city thug's approval, and off they go back down the country after shopping for their man. If he's going to be shot at, surely it's better to be shot wearing the best, preferably while driving his 'Beamer' or 'Benz.'

Why do these thug-loving girls do it? If they have a job they're not making much. Her thug lover takes care of what she can't. Usually it's for material things she can't afford, things that depreciate, and what she thinks is the love of her man.

Today it's not unusual even for educated young women to be drawn by that alluring thug appeal, too. She's not looking for the hardworking good guy, she wants the hard knock lover with lots of disposable cash. To her, it doesn't matter how he earned it. It only matters that she's dressed and always looks her best.

To my thug loving sisters there's another factor to consider before you get hooked on that man. Today in Bermuda that which you think is love could get you shot at. What's in his wallet won't save you in the end. Which begs the question: Are you willing to die for your man?[[In-content Ad]]

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