10 of the best: A week in the world of the Premier League

The Premier League is a rich source of entertainment.

I mean, where else does a week involve stories about a fascist, a half-time water fight and a fan punching a police horse?

Here’s 10 things we learnt since last Friday:

1: Don’t punch a horse. 

Seriously. I mean, who thinks that’s a good idea? Amid the trouble after Newcastle’s derby defeat to Sunderland, a 45-year-old took out his frustration on the animal — rather ironically named Bud. At least the man apologized before conceding he has 700 animal activists after his address. I’d be afraid, very afraid.

2: Best way to make your fans forget you’re a fascist? Beat your biggest rivals 3-0 and slide along the grass, arms aloft in triumph. 

Okay, so maybe not everyone’s forgotten Paolo Di Canio’s right-wing past — but a few more wins like that and it will be conveniently overlooked. That’s football, folks.

3: Pay more attention to who is in charge of your club. Or in Pompey’s case, who is bleeding the club dry. In five years the south coast team went from the Premier League and FA Cup winners and playing in Europe against AC Milan to, as confirmed in the week, League Two and on its knees.

Thankfully, the supporters’ trust now owns the club, giving fans light at the end of what has been a bleak and long tunnel. QPR, be warned.

4: Rebranding can work. Who was scared of the Bluebirds? No-one. Red Dragons? The whole of the Championship, it seems.  Cardiff — not Cardiff City anymore, apparently —  have earned a place in next season’s Premier League. Well deserved. Looking forward to two tasty Swansea v Cardiff derbies already.

5: Stiliyan Petrov is fighting leukemia with all the energy he used to display on the pitch for Celtic and Aston Villa. Pictures of Petrov this week exhibited the brutal effects of his cancer treatment. The midfielder is almost unrecognizable. Football sometimes isn’t that important.

6: So it’s not the Premier League but Millwall get the prize for the most stupid fans in the country. Many people have defended the club for its huge efforts to improve their hooligan image — and I echo that. It must be a thankless task, though, especially when, on their biggest day of the season, they fight each other inside Wembley. A penny for the club’s PR man’s thoughts. 

7: The once superb Michael Owen is now a better pundit than player — and he’s not much of a pundit. 

8: David de Gea’s quiff is made of stern stuff — probably extra-strength Brylcreem. There is no other way to explain its survival from being flattened by West Ham’s Andy Carroll’s rugby tackle the other night. 

9: Nothing beats a good half-time water fight. When Kevin Mirallas splashed Jack Wilshere with the contents of his water bottle, sadly the Arsenal man did not see the funny side. Play nicely, boys.

10: If you believe John Terry when he says he’s happy with Rafa Benitez’s squad rotation policy, you’re a fool. 

Terry has the run of Stamford Bridge, he’s the real boss, the real influence — just like his pal Frank Lampard who...umm... is being forced out of the club at the end of the season. Actually, maybe their are changes afoot at Chelsea. 

Premier League

Saturday

11am unless stated

Fulham v Arsenal

The Gunners have something to play for in a Champions League place and, after a bruising draw with Everton, should find Craven Cottage more accommodating.

Prediction: 1-3

Norwich v Reading

Reading are down but draw specialists Norwich need more points to be safe. They’ll add another one to the kitty here.

Prediction: 1-1

QPR v Stoke

Hugely-interesting game. Stoke are in freefall, while QPR are all but down. Rangers likely to throw everything at the Potters, who look shockingly brittle at the moment. 

Prediction: 1-1

Sunderland v Everton

The force of Paolo Di Canio is clearly having an effect — and that should be enough to claim another point at the Stadium of Light. 

Prediction: 2-2

Swansea v Southampton 

Two sides who play football that’s easy on the eye. Saints, though, are unbeaten in five league games.

Prediction: 1-2

West Brom v Newcastle

Newcastle continue to look nervously over their shoulder — but a backlash from the painful Sunderland defeat should ensure a win against a tough Baggies outfit.

Prediction: 1-2

West Ham v Wigan

Wigan looked good but were beaten by Man City on Wednesday night and there is a real prospect they could go down in the same season they reach the FA Cup final for the first time. It’s crucial they get something from this game.

Prediction: 2-2

Sunday

Tottenham v Man City

9:30am

City seem to be hitting their stride now the title race is all but over but Spurs are a good team with a purpose: the top four. Home side to rescue a point.

Prediction: 1-1

Liverpool v Chelsea

12pm

The Reds’ successive 0-0 draws against West Ham and Reading have raised doubts over their finishing ability — especially when Luis Suarez is misfiring. The returning Rafa Benitez, not to mention Fernando Torres, will get a good reception — and probably all three points.  

Prediction: 1-2

Monday

Man Utd v Aston Villa

4pm

Villa are trying their best to clamber out of trouble but they’ll hit a brick wall at Old Trafford. A predictable cruise for Sir Alex Ferguson’s side.

Prediction: 3-0