I’ve got the power

“IN A WORLD of med ball slams and tornado swings, one man stood tall. But could he withstand the POWER PHASE?”

That’s not a voiceover for any Hollywood film you’ll likely to see soon.

In fact, The World’s End — currently showing at Liberty — is probably a more apt description of where the Lose the Gut programme is at.  

But after the Corrective Phase and the Strength Phase, and the rather, literally, sobering overhaul of my diet and lifestyle, Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe has ushered in the final two weeks and it’s all about power — and speed.

These two attributes have always been elusive in my depressingly-modest sporting career.

But that’s enough about my personal problems. Colin, for one, wasn’t interested as he met me at the gym doors with an horrendously-enthusiastic smile and an armoury of  heavy-looking balls and God-knows-what-else under his arm. The Power Phase had been prequelled by my first ever spinning class.

The seemingly-crucial detail that I joined in with a Court House intermediate/advanced group was not made available until after I’d shed a few pints of body fluid and failed to walk up the stairs without looking like I’d ruptured all knee ligaments.

“Hot mess” does not even begin to describe the scene.

Anyway, a few days later, protests that my thighs still hurt were met with a condescending and uninterested “Oh dear”.

Colin then led me outside into the muggy, midday heat and 99-per-cent humidity — it was almost like it was deliberate — and thus the lesson began.

“The idea is to do these as fast as possible,” Colin said. “The faster you train, the faster you play. Here, have a 50lb kettlebell.”

And it’s at this point my inner 1990’s kicked in and got me through the next 20 minutes. Snap’s Power was the soundtrack — in my head at least — to the session. And I recommend, before carrying on reading, you bring up the tune on YouTube. Done? Okay, so let’s go.

Kettlebell swing 50lbs

From a squat postion swing the kettlebell up to your midrift, straightening your back, before swinging  it back down through your legs returning to a squat position. 

First swing almost had me on my backside but I got to grips with it. 

And who doesn’t feel like the man swinging a kettlebell around?

Medicine ball squat jumps

“Yeesssss,” said Colin, in genuine joy at the sweat already pouring from my head. Five slow, five fast, five jumps. Done. Smashed. Feeling good. Come on!

MB Wood Chops

Wtf. Where did this one come from? Move MB from left foot, across body, finishing with arms extended. Repeat on other side = pain.

“This one hurts,” I spluttered. 

“Then we’ve found your weakness,” said Colin triumphantly.

Lunge jumps

In lunge position. Jump straight up. Simple. Did okay but looked stupid.

MB Slam

Like a football throw-in but with a ball that’s 20 times heavier. Worked the abs, destroyed my arms. 

Tornado Ball

Alright! Smashing a swinging ball against a wall on either side as hard and fast as you can. What’s not to like? Now I really felt  pumped.

 “That was good,” I said as I wiped an wave of sweat from my face and headed for the changing rooms.

“Now do it again,” said Colin. 

“And do it faster.”

No plot spoilers, but I can reveal there was definitely no Hollywood ending.

This is the fifth weekly ‘Lose the Gut’ column of the six-week programme. For more information email Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe at cayliffe@courthouse.