Pass the goblet, I’m all in

We’ve never been friends.

For years we viewed each other from afar and on rare occasions we’d meet. But it was always clear it just wasn’t going to work. 

Too forced, unnatural with no natural chemistry — and I got nothing back in return, except for pain and an acute feeling of inferiority.

On the two instances I made a real effort to make it work, four times a week quickly became three, two, then one and finally we drifted apart.

I am, of course, talking about weights. A piece of gym apparatus that has, for me, always inhabited other more sculpted people’s worlds.

But it’s time for another go. Now in the fourth week of the ‘Lose the Gut’ programme with Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe, the strength training phase is in full swing.

And while it’s hardly a scene to rival the Olympics weightlifting podium, it’s giving my body a proper going over.

So after dead lifting some Romanians and doing a few cheeky goblet squats, I threw myself into some cable wood chops — all things I’m sure I heard Frodo talk about as he went in search of that elusive ring.

I’m willing to bet, though, he never had to deal — or squat unceremoniously 36 times — with a 70lb kettlebell.

That hurts, by the way, but the rest of it — four sessions a week —feels like its steadily getting easier.

The gut has got to be decreasing. Surely. Maybe!  What wasn’t discussed before the strength phase began, though, was the stealth inclusion of some cardio work.

Move like Redgrave

Now, it doesn’t matter how many times Colin tells me I’m Steve Redgrave, I’m not 6ft 5in, built like a brick ****house with a lung capacity of seven litres.

The rowing machine, I can confirm, never gets any easier.

A frenetic set of 20secs on and 10secs off got my blood pumping and me pumped for another set of goblet squats and dead lifts.

For a split second I felt — in my mind at least — like Rocky Balboa. Marrying all this with the diet and lifestyle changes mentioned in the previous weeks, I genuinely feel progress is being made. Me and weights, however light, might stay in touch this time.

This is the fourth weekly ‘Lose the Gut’ column of the six-week programme. For more information email Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe at cayliffe@courthouse.