Three personal philosophies help me through life

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16: For most of my life I have subscribed to three personal philosophies.

The first is that you never get credit for the things that you don’t do.

Then there’s my ‘85 Test’ and lastly, the one which might be the most important, is a philosophy that I borrowed from my mother many years ago, which is — always have ‘kitchen friends’.

You’ve probably concluded on your own that you won’t be receiving any credit for not being a drug dealer, a thief, a drunk, a bad neighbour or a screaming shrew when your kids do a myriad of things that you asked them not to do or not yelling at your ex-husband for any possible reason. You simply don’t get any credit. 

I’ve always felt that one of the reasons the movie ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ starring Jimmy Stewart is so compelling is that his character, George Bailey, not only does all the right things for his family and community, but that he chooses not to do certain things. which in my book makes him an even bigger hero.

You probably know a ‘George Bailey’ who shows up for work, takes care of his family, pays his bills, keeps his lawn tidy and doesn’t put his fist through the wall or makes everyone  else’s life miserable when, after 28 years of dedicated service to his company, he gets shafted. 

We’re often told that certain setbacks and disappointments in life are opportunities to build character and make us stronger.

Life lessons

Frankly, at this stage of my life, I could do without the life lessons with the burdensome tutorials on how to be a better person.  But on a good day, just when I’m about to kick the dog (figuratively, not literally), I employ my second philosophy, which is the ‘85 Test’. Try it.

The next time something happens to you, or you’ve made what you think is the worst possible mistake in your life, ask yourself if it will still matter when you’re 85.

If you’re already 85, use 105 since it should have the same result.

You’d be amazed at how something so simple puts things so quickly into perspective.

Believe me, this philosophy comes in very handy if your plane has been delayed, the check-out clerk at the supermarket has looked at you cross-eyed or you’re about to be in a complete snit when your contractor or plumber doesn’t show up. 

It won’t matter too much, I hope, if you attended your second choice rather than your first choice university or that the big job you snared in the bright city wasn’t so great after all.

I’m banking on the ten excess pounds (alright, I admit it, 15 pounds) I’m wearing right now won’t matter too much when I’m 85. Maybe it will make me look 75. 

It’s impossible, of course, not to arrive at an advanced age without hurts and disappointments.  Life is like that and some things will stay with you regardless of distance or time.

Sometimes though, it’s worth the effort to hurl the insults and frustrations back into the void. If you’re smart, the things you didn’t get credit for won’t matter either. 

This brings me to why it’s so important to always have ‘kitchen friends’.

‘Kitchen friends’ are your true friends, the people who can do the heavy lifting and will stand by you and for you even during the toughest times.

These are the friends standing in your kitchen while everyone else is gathered around the living room or hanging out on the porch. I’ve spent entire parties in the back of a kitchen and entire parties with everyone else. I prefer the kitchen.

I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions, which I guess might count as another personal philosophy, since I’m not sincere about any of my intentions.

I know that I’ll probably lose my cool at least a few times this year and I just had a brownie, so little point in resolving to lose those 15 pounds.

No doubt I will have plenty of opportunity to enlist the ‘85 Test’ but the best part will be sharing it all with my ‘kitchen friends’ who, by the way, have told me it’s going to be a great year!