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We were completely outclassed by Holland over the last couple of days and I have to admit, for the first time in my Bermuda career, I'm wondering where our next win is going to come from.

We've been beaten by Denmark and Holland and it's not going to get any easier. We play Ireland, the top associate nation, in the Intercontinental Cup next.

We saw how well they did in the World Cup and they are the defending champions in the four-day competition, so it's only going to get tougher.

That's the way it's going to be from now on. Qualifying for the World Cup meant we'd be up against tougher opposition on a consistent basis. There's no point in hiding from it, we've got to give it our best shot and the exposure should make us all better cricketers.

It was disappointing to lose so badly to Holland. We are playing against some good guys. They are the better team and they are going to win, but we should be doing better.

We should be improving in each game and that's not happening so far.

I think Holland have improved a bit since the World Cup whereas obviously we are weaker.

They brought in a couple of players from county cricket for the one-day-internationals. Ryan (ten Doeschate) came over and Schiferli. They are now a more professional outfit than we are.

When we beat them in South Africa last year, we were building towards the World Cup and we were more professional.

This time we had more than half the team making their one-day debuts. It's a tough situation and the guys are really struggling. It's taking time to adapt to the higher level.

For me, too, it's been a learning curve. I have a new role to play in the team and a lot more responsibility.

I batted up at three in the last couple of one-day-internationals.

It's a different game when the ball's swinging about like that, but I'm experienced enough to handle that and I'm disappointed not to have got more runs.

I've been getting 20s and 30s and getting out. Previously that was okay - come in at the end and knock a quick 30 or 40 was what I was required to do.

In this team I need to be scoring 80s and 90s and centuries every time for us to have a chance. Myself and Irving (Romaine) are the only experienced players in the team and we both need to perform just for us to hang in there.

It's a lot more responsibility but I'm not giving up.

In the first ODI I got a very good ball and nicked it behind, in the second game Ryan (ten Doeschate) took a great catch.

I feel like I'm in good form but the big score isn't coming. I've got one more match against Ireland and hopefully it will come.

Being disciplined

I was before the disciplinary committee this week after an incident in the four-day game with Holland, after I reacted to a comment from one of their bowlers - Edgar Schiferli.

As long as I have been playing cricket, with all the sledging that goes on, this was the biggest thing that hurt me.

I was batting well and had the pressure on them a little bit. He rapped me on the pad and had an lbw appeal turned down on the last ball of the over.

As I was talking to Sluggo in the middle he just walked right up to me and said to my face - 'why aren't you walking mother*****'.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I reported it to the umpire and I went over to their captain and said 'that's not right'.

I get on well with the skipper, Jeron Smits, and he made the guy come and apologise and it was written up.

He was found guilty of a level 2 offence and my reaction got me a level 1 offence. That's the lowest in terms of seriousness, so I wasn't too worried about it.

I get on with all the players I come up against and I don't mind a bit of sledging, but that guy went over the line. I guess he was just one bad apple.

Under-19s success

I was so happy to see the under-19s qualify for the World Cup. Their success is a real glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

I think that success has saved our cricket. It shows on the world stage that, though the senior team, may be struggling, Bermuda could still be a force to be reckoned with in the future.

Those guys are going to have a tough time against the Test playing nations in Malaysia but it is so important that they stick with it and move on to make the next step up to the senior national side.

It's great that three or four of them will be joining us for the Ireland game. Rodney Trott, Stefan Kelly and Malachi Jones are all coming over.

The important thing for them is to be exposed to this higher level. They have been successful with the under-19s, but this is going to be much tougher and it's great that they get the chance to compete at this level.

No league title for St. David's

St. David's lost again this weekend at Social Club, which was a blow to our ambitions in the league.

We've got four or five guys missing with national duty. That's the pros and cons of having good players, but I keep telling my guys - country comes first. That's what I want to instil in them.

If we don't win the league this year, we'll win it in seasons to come

Last week's comments

I had a few comments made about my remarks last week that players who were not here playing for Bermuda were letting us down and not putting their country first.

I stand by that. Obviously it doesn't apply to everyone. I'm sure one or two guys genuinely couldn't get the time off work, but don't tell me six or seven employers wouldn't let players have the time off. I know for sure there are players that are not making the sacrifices to the national programme. If the shoe fits, wear it.

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