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I was banned for two games this week for showing dissent after I was given out lbw against Kenya.

I admit I was wrong, I went up for it, I got banned and now I have to put it behind me.

Basically I got a bad decision and I exploded. As I was walking off the field I hit the trash can with my bat. It was just out of frustration. I hit my kit-bag, too, when I got back in the dressing room, but it was the trash can that got me in trouble because everybody could see.

It was the second one-day-international against Kenya and I was given out first-ball lbw for a duck.

I pushed well forward and the ball hit my pads. The bowler appealed, but nobody else did. I didn't even look up because I didn't think it was out.

There was a slight delay because I didn't realize I was out until I looked around and I saw the fielders celebrating.

We'd had some very tough decisions on this tour - we always seem to get bad decisions against the bigger countries. Plus, I knew I was in form and my team needed me to get a score, so the frustration just boiled over.

My big fear was that I would be banned for the rest of the tour, but my ban is for ODIs so I am eligible to play in the four-day games. I have to put it behind me and try and do a good job against Kenya this weekend.

Under-19s impress

Despite the 3-0 loss to Kenya, I think the team is improving and there are a lot of positives about our performances so far.

We've bowled and fielded well and we were in positions where we could have won in both of the last two games.

In the final game they needed ten runs to win with the last batsman at the crease but Steve Tikolo, who played a very professional innings, hit a six and took the pressure off.

Despite that we have not batted well enough. You can't expect to score 180 runs on a good batting pitch and beat a team like Kenya. We've got a couple of guys in a serious, serious rut right now. Irving (Romaine) batted 49 overs on Saturday and scored 60 so that shows you the struggle he's in. But he's fighting it out and, of course, he is still good enough. Hemp (David) is having one of the worst runs of his life, I think, but he and Irving are both good players and they will turn it round.

Of the younger guys, Rodney Trott has been a revelation. I batted with him a couple of times and he's a tough little fella, he acts like a seasoned player already

Malachi Jones is growing and Kyle Hodsoll picked up his first wicket the other day. It was good to see Jekon Edness get a 70.

The youth are gaining the experience and doing themselves proud. It's the senior players that need to step up and make a bigger contribution with the bat.

My goal for this tour was to get a hundred and if I can achieve that in one of the four-day games against Kenya and the UAE it would be good for the team.

We're looking for wins in those games but you have to remember the quality of the opposition. If we were to get two draws I would consider it a successful tour.

We've already improved on the tour of Europe, where we got blown away by the Dutch. We are in a rebuilding stage and all you can ask is for improvement from one tour to the next.

Thief gets beaten

We were given a reminder of how lucky we are to come from Bermuda the other day when we witnessed another example of the tough living conditions here in Nairobi.

From the window of our hotel we saw a crowd of people beating this one guy, virtually to death, right in the middle of the street. I think he had grabbed a cell phone, somebody had shouted 'thief' and everybody jumped him

Then security arrived and they joined in the beating, We asked in the hotel, what was happening, and they said if you are a thief in Kenya people are allowed to do that.

It was amazing and scary. There were women on the side of the street shouting and encouraging the people that were beating this guy up. I'm waiting for tomorrow's newspapers to find out if he died.

It's sad to see. Last time we were here somebody got shot. We don't walk the streets without security. It definitely made us think we're lucky to be Bermudians.

Homesick

We're in the middle of another long tour and I'm feeling very homesick again. It's really tough for the guys that have families.

We are away but the bills keep coming. The board covers our main job, but those of us that work second jobs or hustles on the side to get extra money for our families, don't have that covered.

There's no performance bonuses or anything, basically we're playing for pride, for our country.

There's no support in place for wives and girlfriends to take care of things for them, to make sure the grass gets cut - that kind of thing.

We've been away on and off for three years now and it's tough on our families. There is no sign of it stopping because we still don't have a home pitch.

There's nothing glamorous about being out here. Most of the time you are just sitting in a hotel room.

We have a nice little break after this tour until the Stanford tournament in February and then it all starts again next year. There are a lot of sacrifices being made by the senior players.[[In-content Ad]]

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