I found comfort and help at infertility support group

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 22: After several years of trying to conceive, three miscarriages and two failed IVF cycles I was feeling like my dream of becoming a parent was slipping through my fingers.

Though my journey began at a relatively young age, I had the vague diagnosis of “unexplained infertility”.

The words of my doctors saying that I would likely never know the reason for my troubles constantly spun through my head. 

However, my husband and I were determined to have a child and were willing to try anything. 

I turned to acupuncture to see if it would help things along. 

Following one of my sessions my acupuncturist gave me a card for Paperwhites, the infertility peer support group here in Bermuda. 

I said I would be interested in attending a meeting, but in all honesty, I was nervous about it. 

I had so many questions, like: Would I know someone there?  Would it be too emotional?  Would people be judgmental? 

Would it cause me to become even more obsessive about my journey than I already am?  Would it be depressing?

I had already been a member of a supportive online group for women going through IVF. 

I found their help and support to be a comfort, but sometimes I felt like I needed to have a conversation with a real person about how I felt. 

I considered going to therapy, but the more I thought about attending an always free Paperwhites meeting, the more I felt I should give that a try before dropping hundreds of dollars on a one-on-one chat with someone who might not fully understand me. 

When I cautiously walked in the door of my first meeting I was greeted with smiles and friendly introductions. 

I was impressed by the openness and candour of the participants. I was also pleasantly surprised to see partners there as well. 

Though I wasn’t sure how I would feel, I found myself able to open up to these people, most of whom I’d never met before, about my history. 

To see the nods of understanding as I spoke made me feel like I belonged; like I already knew each person in that room. 

As it turned out, I did know two other couples there. We had never spoken in the past about our issues, but it has now bonded us in a special way and we have become closer friends because of this. 

Regardless of whether or not I knew someone, discretion was something I was concerned about. 

This concern was needless, though.  Everyone in the group is in the same position.

Infertility is sadly still a somewhat secretive subject matter and we all respect one another’s right to privacy. 

My other concerns were allayed from the outset. 

Sometimes it’s emotional, yes, but there are many laughs as well! 

There is no judgment at all. We have couples who are at all stages in their infertility journey.

One nice perk is that the members who have been around a little longer are able to give encouraging advice to those closer to the beginning of their journeys. This sharing is so helpful.

Everyone is very friendly and warm. While the subject matter can at times be sad, I have never left a meeting feeling depressed.  I have always felt better leaving than I did when I arrived. 

As far as becoming even more obsessed, it actually had the opposite effect. 

Because I had an outlet and was able to discuss my feelings in real life with my new friends I found I needed to turn to the Internet less than I did before.

I’m so glad I conquered my fear of attending a support meeting.

I’ve made lifelong friends and received the support I needed to make it through these last two years.

The best moments are when someone “graduates” from our group because they have realized their dream.

I read once that members of infertility support groups usually end up with a child in their arms.

My wish is that very soon this will happen to all of our members.