So long, mac ‘n’ cheese

When the news came, I got that feeling.

You know, the kind you get when you realize you’ve missed your anniversary.

Or, late at night, when you bolt forward, eyes crazed because you’ve just remembered your boss asked for that proposal by the end of Monday not Tuesday.

You heart thumps (exercise at least) and drops to the pit of your stomach. You feel sick.

Well, as we went through my food diary from the first weekend of the ‘Lose the Gut’ programme, Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe’s face when we reached the mac ‘n’ cheese entry at 11pm Sunday night gave me the same sensation.

I knew straight away. It was out. No more.

It’s a thing of beauty that dish, at least in my eyes, but, apparently, it’s not going to help me get in trim in six weeks.

So here we are, week two of the post Cup Match, ‘Lose the Gut’ programme. I’m still in the corrective phase — story of my life — and have been working hard on the stretches and exercises outlined in week one aimed at getting my posture better aligned and improving my core strength in preparation for, no doubt, tougher weeks ahead. Log on to bermudasun.bm for a recap.

This week it’s all about diet and coming clean about the crap I put in my body, see food diary above.

Don’t judge, people. There was beer involved. And it was the weekend. And I had a great time.

But our conversation kind of went something like this:

Colin: Did you have breakfast?

Me: One of the days.

Colin: *frowns* Okay…what did you have?

Me: Cereal

Colin: Cardboard. Lunch?

Me: Wait. What? Cereal’s good for you?

Colin: Mmmmm, no. Lunch?

Me: Sandwich. Seriously, what’s wrong with Special K?

Colin: It’s. Like. Eating. Cardboard. That’s why you can drop a jean size! Dinner?

Me: Yeah... you see... I kind of missed that.

Colin: *smile disappears* Okay… did you eat anything?

Me: Errrr… more cereal.

Colin: *stares deep into my soul* What time?

Me: Errrr… 1am.

Colin: *shakes head* We have got A LOT of work to do.

You get the drift. I was missing breakfast and when I didn’t I ate the wrong things, and when I ate the wrong things, the chances are it was at the wrong time.

By the time we got to the mac ‘n’ cheese and meatballs, Colin looked like I had insulted his entire family. 

The next stage of addressing my food problems came in the form of two questionnaires — one about metabolic typing and one about holistic lifestyle.

Now as someone who has mocked the term ‘wellness’ enthusiastically — it’s a made up word, right? — for a number of years, you can imagine what I thought of questions like: do you often feel anxious? Or do you live in the same time zone you were born? And, my favourite, do you often belch after meals?

The results rang true, though, and in layman’s terms can be described by the following: I’m not stressed, my body clock’s okay and digestive system sound BUT I don’t eat the right stuff and eat at the wrong times. First world problems? Probably.

But if I’m going to lose the gut, headteacher Colin layed down the law and from here on in I must:

• Eat more veg with meals
• Try to eat veg as raw as possible
• Limit microwave use unless its completely necessary
• Try to choose whole wheat over white bread
• Aim to eat organic free range meat and eggs whenever you can
• Raw nuts are better than roasted or salted
• Get to bed by 10.30pm
• Do not skip meals
• Try to eat a meal or snack every four hours
• Never skip breakfast and cereal doesn’t count!
• Always eat healthy fats like extra Virgin olive oil, avocado, nuts, seeds, fish and coconut oil
• Eat carbs with protein and fats
• Cut coffee/tea down to one cup a day
• Largest meal of day should be at breakfast or lunch

Not so much a few pointers, as a lifestyle overhaul. Goodbye mac ‘n’ cheese.

This is the second weekly ‘Lose the Gut’ column over the coming six weeks. For more information email Court House head trainer Colin Ayliffe at cayliffe@courthouse.