One in four children grow up in an addictive household

What do we know about addiction and recovery?  We can look at it in many different ways, such as brain chemistry, personality, disease model, or levels of treatment. 

We know addiction is a disease that affects families and that the road to recovery is best not taken alone. 

A recovery community is encouraged to assist those affected with the disease of addiction, so support is available every step of the way.

However, what about the children whose lives are affected by a loved one’s addiction?  

Exposure to chronic emotional stress as a result of their experiences can have an impact on their lives that goes beyond their childhood. 

Additionally, the familial role of children will change regardless of where the family is in the recovery process. 

Children can similarly benefit from a recovery community and recognize that there are others just like them with similar experiences. 

In fact, one in four children are growing up in an addictive household (National Association for Children of Alcoholics, 2012). Children can learn from each other that the disease of addiction is beyond their control and they did not cause it. 

This realization often takes some convincing. Reinforcement from peers can help drive that message home — from something they’ve been told to something they believe.

Coping skills need to be taught, learned and practiced. This goal cannot be accomplished on their own in isolation. 

We cannot assume because children look fine on the outside that they are not struggling on the inside. 

They need the opportunity to practice being a kid and what better way to do that but with other kids similar in age with a common experience?

The concerns of children do not go away when a loved one gets sober. 

Initially, life can be scarier when a parent is getting well. Predictability can feel unpredictable and stability feels unsafe. 

Just as children need the skills to learn how to take care of themselves in an addictive family, they also need to learn how to cope if and when the family gets well.

Bringing kids together to support each other and learn skills is extremely beneficial regardless of where their family is in the healing process. Whether still struggling with addiction or enjoying years of sobriety, the children of addicted families need time to heal, to identify with others and to learn to be kids again. Sometimes as parents, we must look beyond ourselves and not assume that our children are as healthy on the inside as they appear to be on the outside. 

There is help out there. The opportunity for recovery for life for all is in your schools and in your communities.

Caron Bermuda, in collaboration with Bermuda Youth Counselling Services, is pleased to offer adolescent and family services to children between the ages of 17 and 21. These services include evaluations, assessments and outpatient counselling; additional support services for families are also available. Please contact Gita Blakeney Saltus at Caron Bermuda 236-0823, or Maureen Trew at Bermuda Youth Counseling Services, 294-9360 for more information.

Sis Wenger, President & CEO of NACOA, once said “what these children need are explanations, support and hope. 

They need someone to tell them they are beautiful and good, that it’s not their fault and they are not alone.” Let’s break the family cycles and connect these children to services they need to become emotionally sound with the hope of a bright future. 

This week, February 9-15, is Children of Alcoholics week. Learn more at www.nacoa.org/coaweek_tools.html.