Routines like TV-free family dinners can do so much good

Part III of III

‘It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness’ — Peter Benenson

We have complained a lot about the behaviour of the youth of today. Parents have been assigned, and must accept responsibility for the anti-social behaviours evident sometimes in schools and too often on the street. However, many parents have also been very successful at the demanding parenting game and many are on the road to success. For those parents who are having challenges or those just approaching the God-given parenthood assignment, we offer ‘Fullish Mama Candles’ of Consistency, Commitment, Pro-Active Parenting and Forging a relationship with The Village, that promise to lead out of the darkness, eliminating the trend to grumble and replacing with the need to celebrate.

Sustaining consistency can be challenging but a mother’s unrelenting commitment to her family, however, will give her the strength to establish routines, such as, for example, that the family meets at the dinner table every evening. The television, radio and computers should be off and cellphones out of reach. This is an essential time where everyone has a voice and everyone gets the same memorandums of praise and expectations. 

A Fullish Mama commits to what she knows will benefit her child. She knows that consistency in routine, for example, will provide security, for the long term. She ensures, for instance, that her child’s bedtime is a peaceful time, not a shouting match. Therefore, as she spends time cozily reading to him, each night, she is embarking, with him, on his last adventure for the day. He can then sleep, peacefully, with all the reassurance he needs to process his experiences into a strong foundation, one that is essential for his further positive progress.

The new Fullish Mama observes and reasons that proactive parenting might allow her guidance to be better communicated in a calm, non-blaming, non-emotion-fuelled manner.  She, therefore, uses her power and position to deliberately set up rewarding opportunities for respectful exchanges within the family: like family planning meetings to plan the family vacation or family business meetings where homework is done alongside parent’s work such as bill paying:  and home projects are planned and launched like planting a vegetable garden or making Bermuda kites;  and community activities are chosen and attended to, like at a sporting event and volunteering for a charity event.

There’s even family games night and monthly family celebrations (even the cat and dog can have a birthday party!). Fullish Mama knows that, with such activities, her children are; nudged with enthusiasm for life and life’s events; are provided opportunities to practice the very necessary skills of collaboration and problem-solving and are presented chances to rehearse making logical decisions and  formulating reasonable judgments regarding the varying life situations they will encounter.

Twenty-first Century Mamas need to use and support ‘the village’ to enforce rules for and develop responsibility within her child. Her child is fore-warned. Any inappropriate behaviour is reported and immediately addressed. Mamas will discover that there is strength in numbers as she, for example, gives her friends and associates the description of her teen’s bike and helmet and assigns them to be on ‘the lookout’. 

If she gets a negative report, she has no hesitation, no fear; never mind that he paid for half himself; in having him parked until he can recite, verbatim, the rules of the road as stated in the relevant section of the Motor Vehicle Act — because, as she regularly reminds him, “KEMH or Augustus are not options.” 

It is very sad to hear that any one of Bermuda’s young people might feel unfulfilled or disrespected or maligned. We know that we cannot, as families and as a community, afford these discouraged feelings. A 21st Century Fullish Mama must, therefore, give serious thought and consideration to what it might mean in support of ‘the whole village’ if she would develop in her child affection and respect for the physical, social, cultural and emotional environment of the family and subsequently, the country.

I conclude my series with a quote: ‘I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars’ — E. M. Forster   

I welcome statements of your positive parenting philosophies and/or your effective parenting methods, routines or activities. Please send to [email protected]. 

Part I - Bermuda needs every mother to be a Fullish Mama

Part II - Successful parenting requires hard work, commitment and sacrifice