Successful parenting requires hard work, commitment and sacrifice

Part II of III

God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.

— Rudyard Kipling  

We accept the God-sent mandate. But how do you become a 21st Century Fullish Mama?’

How do you help your child to mature; to develop a healthy self-esteem? How do you persuade humility within a robust identity and help your child to grow self-assurance integrated with a sense of desired achievement when both quality time and quantity time seem to have become the ‘leftovers’ in our fast paced lives? How do you instill righteousness and values of honesty, service and respect for self, family and country using practices that are more applicable and appropriate to our 21st Century families?

It begins in those bonding moments. As you look into your newborn’s eyes and he into yours, make The Fullish Mama Pledge (as stated in Part 1, last Wednesday). And remind yourself, in case of those moments of weakness, that even though you know the  pledge will take hard work, commitment, consistency and sacrifice, it will be bolstered by your child’s emergence as a loving, caring, intelligent, reliable, inquisitive, honest and responsible individual. The rewards will be infinite. 

Know that keeping the pledge will break your heart sometimes. As you stand your ground regarding boundaries you have set, and the 15-year-old “angel-turned-stranger’ in your house declares that he’ll never have any friends because of you, you’ll know of the emotion that Fullish Mamas carry as they pronounce, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”  

Fullish Mamas get tired from getting up early and ensuring that their children gets off to school with a nourishing breakfast; not tired of asking their child what they had for breakfast that morning. They get tired from cooking supper while helping with homework and school projects instead of being tired of  the after-school teacher not getting your child’s homework finished. They become tired from  dropping off and picking up children to and from dance class, football, karate, Sunday/Sabbath School and music lessons; not tired of  misbehaviour from a bored, unstimulated child. They’d rather be tired from  going to PTA meetings, teacher conferences and children’s games or concerts than tired of  the school calling to say their child is unfocused or unprepared. They are tired from  reading 8 million stories and listening to children excitedly report the events of the day, instead of being tired of  their child answering “Nothing”. Fullish Mamas glorify in becoming tired from giving it their all, and moderate the notion of being tired of Government not giving enough.

Twentieth Century Fullish Mamas would tell you that ‘tired from ’ is curable and will lend itself to freedom as your child becomes responsible, independent and successful. ‘Tired of’ leaves many crippling after-effects. One of which is your child growing up to believe that his/her performances in life, and to follow, his/her role as a parent, is always someone else’s responsibility. 

The advantage of knowledge

A 21st century Fullish Mama has some advantages over Fullish Mamas of the past. She is able to arm herself with much more available knowledge. Knowledge will tell her that her two-year-old is establishing his place in the world. He does not like to share. He may hit, bite and kick if another child touches his toys. The other child could have been his best friend a moment ago. This behaviour is expected of a two-year-old. She also learns that the two-year-old, with her firm, proper, loving guidance, grows out of this behaviour. But knowledge also informs her that the same behaviour is not acceptable from a six-year-old, or a 10-year-old, or a 14-year-old or, heaven forbid, an 18-year-old with access to a gun! So, she may ask herself, “Why do we have adults acting like two-year-olds?”. Twenty-first Century Fullish Mamas may assess that they never grew up because no one was paying attention during their formative years. 

Consequently, a knowledgeable 21st Century Fullish Mama knows she must pay attention. She uses the many available resources to educate herself. She ‘Googles’ and refers to suggestions from Parenting sites, or ‘Children’s Milestones’ or ’40 Developmental Assets’. 

A full-fledged Fullish Bermudian Mama, tells her children how proud she is of their achievements and their positive behaviour. She praises them when they step up to and exceed her expectations. She tells them that they are smart and tells them that they are beautiful. She trusts that if her children know that she values their companionship and they make her laugh, they’ll be much less apt to make her cry — in the principal’s office, in court, at the hospital or at their funeral. 

‘Fullish Mamas’ Part III will explore how ‘It’s Better to Light One Candle than to Curse the Darkness’. See Friday’s Bermuda Sun.