Bermuda needs every mother to be a Fullish Mama

She (Mother) seemed to know, to accept, to welcome her position, the citadel of the family, the strong place that could not be taken. …………She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever really deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall, the family will to function would be gone.” 

John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

The Mothers of Bermuda, whether with a partner or alone, have the very critical responsibility to develop the necessary behaviours and attitudes that help young Bermudians to reach their full potential. The Mothers of Bermuda, in particular, hold the key to nurturing the next generations into becoming happy, fulfilled, productive citizens, who can claim their rightful place on this island and return Bermuda to the peaceful paradise it once was. 

We give the ultimate respect and admiration to those virtuous, ‘grassroots’, strict, strong, responsible and determined mothers who, seemed to have foreseen the Bermuda Life-Time Movie; in which ‘the street’ would be always waiting- with arms outstretched — to embrace young men and young women who felt unloved or were ill-equipped to make  decisions that would benefit their future. Her love compelled her to decide that the aggressive behaviours evident on that screen of life would not invade her home or her children’s minds or replay in her children’s actions.  

We didn’t always like Mama’s parenting style. Sometimes we just swore she was ‘fullish’, but she gave the family fortitude. Today, more than ever, we need ‘Fullish Mamas to strengthen our families and get this island back on the right track. 

Fullish Mamas had certain abilities. Fullish Mamas could hear that curse word come out of your mouth even if you were at the other end of the neighbourhood. And you know you were “in for it”. Fullish Mamas knew when you were lying and punished you even before you get out of the house to do what you’re not supposed to do. Fullish Mamas had a ‘look’. That look had The Ten Commandments written all over those eyeballs. That look could have the biggest, most gracious smile attached to it while pinching you or gripping your hand so tight you feared it would come off. 

Don’t try to run — A Fullish Mama could get a shoe off her foot in a flash, throw it at you and the shoe would go around the corner and hit you in the head.  A Fullish Mama called all your friends “Young Miss or Young Mr So and So and let them know what she expected of them, as well as of you. A Fullish Mama called you in to do the dishes, just before you had totally convinced your friends that YOU were the MAN of the house. 

Fullish Mamas made you apologize when you had done something unacceptable. When you complained about your teacher, Fullish Mamas said “Mr. Smith has his (education.)” Meaning- do your schoolwork so that you can get yours too. Fullish Mamas would make you march right back to that store and return that money that accidently came out of the beverage machine. (and you thought you had struck gold)  Fullish Mamas even marched you to the police station and told them. ‘Lock him/her up until he/she tells you where he/she was until 10 o’clock last night.

We spent our whole childhood looking for those ‘eyes in the back of the heads’ of Fullish Mamas. We spent hours conceiving ways to hide the strap or wooden spoon; and days trying to convince her that no one else in the world had a Fullish Mama but you! 

Times have changed and the debate rages on as to whether physical punishment is an appropriate form of discipline. Spoons are now only used for stirring and shoes don’t travel around corners anymore. Some argue that we should not raise children instilling fear in them,  despite the fact that 40, 50 and 60 year olds would tell you that they still appreciate the fear of their ‘Fullish Mamas’. 

New theories, however, do not translate into ‘not believing in discipline’ or ‘allowing indiscipline, disrespect or sloth’  Neither does any new theory mean that you cannot be a ‘21st Century Fullish Mama’ because…. the basic premise of Responsible Parenthood and Fullish Mamahood is the same — that your child knows that he/she is your priority. 

As such, the world knows that you have made THE FULLISH MAMA PLEDGE and you have a hard and fast agenda – to provide a secure and loving home and environment; to not allow negative influences to infect your child;  to keep your child emotionally safe;  to keep your child out of physical danger;  to keep your child is in good company, to instill family pride, to cooperate with all institutions to ensure that your child develops  his/her full potential in sports, the arts, academic education ; to seek out anyone who can help you steer your child to the right path morally and spiritually;  and to applaud your child for every positive attribute and behaviour that contributes to the continuing positive development of himself, his family and community. 

The Fullish Mama Pledge says through the years, asserting, with pointed finger, “I did not carry this child for nine months, give him my heart, nurture him through health and illness, feed him, clothe him, hug him, kiss him, protect him from danger — only to lose him to ‘the streets’ at 12? 14? 16? 18? NOT ME and NOT MY CHILD!”

Fullish Mamas Part 2 will explore the question - How do you become a 21st Century Fullish Mama?- avoiding the ‘Tired Of’ Plague, building and using knowledge, imparting expectations and The Fullish Mama Secret.

Cheryl-Ann Griffin is a retired educator who lives in Hamilton Parish. She is a mother and grandmother who is becoming increasingly concerned about the perpetuation of negativity on the island directed towards young persons and ‘Bermudians’ in general.