Playing the Kumbaya Card

“Necessity is the mother of invention.”

“When handed lemons, make lemonade.”

Both analogies basically say, make the best out of a bad situation or be innovative when the need and opportunity arises. I think I have found a winner with my latest invention.

Behold Bermuda, the “Kumbaya Card.”

That’s right, the Kumbaya Card (KC). Similar to “Get out of jail free card” but with a much more proactive purpose.

You can’t use it if you’re already in jail, but with the KC you can totally avoid even getting yourself in trouble. Let me give a few brief examples.

Let’s say up in the House of Parliament the debate is getting steep and when asked a pointed question Premier Cannonier starts his stumbling and mumbling “um um” flailing arms routine. He can just pull out the KC and nullify the question.

Picture Rolfe Commissiong getting into his usual commentary on historical injustices and the plight of black men in Bermuda. Instead of preaching fire and brimstone for 20 minutes, he can just pull out the KC and everyone knows it’s time to talk reparations.

The next time the Speaker of the House attempts to cross the floor and join OBA ranks he can pull out the KC and the folks from Somerset won’t hijack a ferry and head town.

Imagine Rodney Smith calling up Everest Dacosta and going into his anti-PLP speech, Everest can just pull out the KC on and save himself the frustration of putting up with Rodney again and again.

Then likewise on the Sherri j show when “Stormin Norman” calls in and goes on his daily rampage, Sherri can just say KC and save him 20 min of a radio coronary.

For the folks who run Bernews and RG they can just post KC when the bloggers go into their daily feeding frenzy. That will calm down that pack of keyboard killers.

Even myself, and my fellow columnist can utilize this card at times. I mean there are many days I have to delete entire paragraphs, because, quite frankly, some things enrage different demographics.

I suspect anyone who has written a column on a weekly basis has had days they wished “Oh, crap why did I submit that?” So when readers get upset and call for our heads, we can just produce a KC and save our butts. I will buy one for Elaine Murray.

We can use it when our spouses are ticked off at us. Hanging out too late with your boys? Forgot to cook hubbie’s food? Got caught on Facebook? Just pull out your KC. All will be forgiven.

You see we can just apply for a lifetime membership to the Kumbaya Club and all our missteps can be absolved by flashing the KC.

Reality Check

Fellow Bermudians, I write today in a somewhat joking manner, but only to mask the trepidation of the era we have now entered. As I go about my daily life often I get to interact with many of you. We discuss many things — families, sports and, at times, politics. Many of my peers and even more so my elders, feel that there is great unease in our land.

I am saying this as a Bermudian father. This is our country and we are a proud people.

We take from no one. Likewise we wish for no one to take from us. People mistake our kindness for weakness or our self-pride as arrogance.

Yet many see our country heading on an uncomfortable path towards strife. As humans we often let fly our mouth when we should zip our lips.

We often give open backhands when we should be giving hugs.

I appeal to the radio hosts to continue to educate our people with factual information. If a caller becomes hostile or insulting please hang up on them.

I appeal to the admins of blogs. Yes, we know you like the page views and the attention.

But the blogs are becoming the daily diet of some sadistic minds. Temper your bloggers with doses of deletions when needed.

I appeal to the 36 people who sit in Parliament. Your every word is being listened to and your behaviour is trickling down to the tribes you represent. They take lead from you, and at present are dividing more than are unifying.

Most of all, I am appealing to you my Bermudian people to take a deep breath. Reach deeper within ourselves to find the resolve to bear through these times without unleashing onto each other.

My people, pull back from the social cliff. There is only our self-control. There is no Kumbaya Card.

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