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While the news is saturated with information on job losses and pyramid schemes, political rhetoric surrounding so-called tax havens, and cutting coupons, there's one arena of the credit crunch that is being avoided: its impact on relationships.

Most everyone has heard that money is the leading cause of breakups and divorce, with financial fall-outs being a real relationship-wrecker, so in real terms what does the recession mean for Bermudian couples?

Will our love lives crash and burn? Will our divorce rate soar?

Olga Craine-Carmichael, Assistant Executive Direction and Senior Clinician at the Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), confirms that it is a growing problem in Bermuda: "Many couples are becoming estranged because of the stress of dealing with the recession. With the loss of an income many couples are faced with an adjustment to a reduced lifestyle, and are forced to give things up and compromise. More anxiety leads to an increase in frustration, which leads to anger, resulting in poor communication, and from there a breakdown in a relationship."

"We're finding overall at the EAP that we're getting more couples that are coming in, or one individual of the unit coming in to discuss these issues. There has been an increase in verbal, physical and emotional altercations due to the financial strains surrounding the economical downtown. People tend to not know how to cope, especially if an individual has been going to work 9-5 every day and all of a sudden there is a change and no longer anything to get up to prepare for each day. It is an emotional toil on one's mentality. You spend a third of your life at work. We tend to displace our emotions from these financial and emotional issues to our partner."

The ex-pat factor

As though this wasn't depressing enough, Bermuda has a further compounding factor: the expat issue. If the partner who loses their job is an ex-pat, chances are they're going to have to leave the Island.

Ms Craine-Carmichael confirms that a small percentage of couples have been affected by one partner being affected by a term limit ending or the ex-pat partner losing their job and leaving.

"An ex-pat partner may be forced to leave the Island, resulting in a divisive family unit. In these situations, you have a relationship defined by distance through no control of the individuals," she explains.

These situations are particularly difficult for the remaining party because oftentimes there are Bermudian children to think of, and their relationship with their extended Bermudian families. Even if the remaining party can leave, there are visas to consider. The ex-pat may have found a job in a third country that neither of them is a citizen of. It is highly unlikely that the remaining party will be able to secure a job in that same third country. When political and geographical boundaries impinge upon a relationship to such a degree, it is sometimes easier to just end what was otherwise a very strong bond, which results in a lot of reluctant singles in Bermuda.

Facing these realities is a challenge, but there are tips that you can incorporate now to limit the emotional outfall of the financial crisis. In her book, 'Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker', Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggests that it is best to acknowledge that money is a sensitive topic early on in your relationship and maintain a consistent dialogue about it. This dialogue should be weekly and separate from the rest of the relationship. In other words, there's a pre-set time every week to talk all things money (bills to pay, major purchases to consider, savings to establish) and the rest of the time, after you've come to agreement, just stand by your commitments and drop the money talk.

Especially if you or your partner is an ex-pat, you need to discuss early on what will happen if your situation changes. While it won't take away the pain of losing a partner to an overseas job or to the country of his citizenship, it may lead to less confusion and anger if that situation becomes a reality, and perhaps even the preparations (such as a job offer or savings set aside) already put in place for you to join him or her there.

For information on what the Employee Assistance Programme of Bermuda can do for you and your relationship, call 292-9000.

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