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What a howler! ‘They are all slightly over the legal limit but it’s not that great.’ With that gem, TCD has given the green light to the Honda CRV to jockey for space with the rest of us fully legal road users.

Bumper to bumper, without the spare tyre, it’s ‘slightly’ illegal being a half or quarter inch over the 175 inch limit. With the tyre it’s seven inches illegal, except that the TCD examiners claim to have leeway to pick an arbitrary pair of points to determine the legal length of the car.

The Motor Car Amendment Act (3) 2004, which describes the registration dimensions for Class H is very specific: ‘Where the length overall – ‘exceeds 4293 mm (169 ins.) but does not exceed 4445 mm (175 ins.)’. No wiggle room there, accurate to the millimetre and no leeway to call it bumper to bumper if the whim takes you.

Slightly illegal is like slightly pregnant. In the past dealers had the option to cut down bumpers and remove wheel-well flares to fit the bill or not offer the vehicle. If it’s all open to interpretation perhaps they’d be kind enough to measure my car between the front and back seats so I can pay a Class A licence fee.

We share the road with too many oversized vehicles as it is. I have little desire to dodge fleets of distracted, 98lb soccer moms driving main battle tanks with one hand for the Crackberry and the other on the double shot latte as they careen between Kindermusic, Pilates and the yacht club.

I shudder to think how many megawatts of ‘Armageddon Mk V’ subwoofer can be stuffed in the back of one more fat, pimped ride with spinning hubcaps and E.T. landing lights; flown at low level by a deliciously stoned, Dale Earnhardt wannabe, cross-eyed and delirious from the sound pressure.

I own a hatchback so I can get out by the tailgate when I use parking lots marked for cars of the 1950s. These monstrosities will need the bays fore and aft as well, just to clear the right of way.

The size restrictions exist for very practical reasons. Class H is an abomination but having made the rule, have the decency to enforce it.[[In-content Ad]]

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