January 30, 2013 at 5:54 p.m.
Satire

MPs feast like whales, 'P' slums it on the bus, even the fish turn violent


By Fred Barritt- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

Well, I'm back in Bermuda after a much-needed vacation and I'm still catching up with what happened here on 'The Rock' during my absence.

I was on a cruise from Vancouver through the Inside Passage to Alaska and while in Juneau we saw a large pod of humpback whales engaged in "Bubble-net Feeding". For those of you not familiar with this it is a spectacular and rare sight. When they find a large school of food, a number of the whales circle them blowing bubbles.

This creates a bubble 'net' that herds the tasty morsels together. Soon they are tightly packed in a nice convenient column and the remaining whales swim up from the bottom with their mouths open swallowing tons of food before breaking the surface in a spectacular display of gluttony.

After all they have to gorge themselves while the food is plentiful before they move to Hawaii for the winter.

Upon my return to Bermuda I learned that the PLP had managed to force through their enormous pay increases and then went on a 16-week holiday. It seems that there are many similarities between the feeding habits in Alaska and those of Alaska Hall. And it appears that the Premier wasn't even on hand for the pulling of stumps.

I don't know where he was, but shouldn't he at least be going through the motions to try to look like he's earning his two hundred grand?

Speaking of the Premier, I see that he's trying to encourage the use of public transport by slumming it with us regular folks every now and then.

Apparently he's taken the bus once already. It's a good thing the BIU didn't call a surprise "emergency" meeting for that day or he would have been stranded - at least until his limo showed up.

And on Wednesday he has promised to take the mini-bus from Granaway Heights to the Rockaway ferry stop to catch the 7:55 to Hamilton. As I say, I've been away so perhaps I missed the official explanations, but I have a couple of questions:

1. Why is he taking the mini-bus from Granaway Heights? I thought he'd moved into his multi-million dollar estate at 'Clifton' in Devonshire.

He invited the public to tour the house and everything. Either he's taking his limo all the way up to Southampton to catch the bus to the ferry (hardly the most logical way to promote traffic reduction) or he's spending the night in his "up-the-country home" and leaving his other residence empty (a great testimony to the PLP's approach to the housing crisis). Is he living in Warwick and only using 'Clifton' as a retreat? Is it his very own Camp David Burch? Or is it more like the Czar's Winter Palace?

2. Once he gets to the Hamilton Ferry Terminal is GP1 going to be waiting for him in the 'No Parking' zone to whisk him off in air-conditioned comfort? Or is he going to complete the experience and trudge along Front Street in the heat and humidity with the rest of the hoi poloi? Somehow I think the former is more likely.

3. And why is he making this 'sacrifice' on the Wednesday before Cup Match when Parliament is in recess? Next to Christmas Eve there has to be less work accomplished in Bermuda on that day than any other - unless of course you're in the business of selling ice, beer, liquor, food, gas or propane. If he really wanted a taste of reality, he would take the ferry to work during the Budget debates.

He'd get in to the office all right, but by the time he was ready to go home the ferries and buses would have stopped running. And without private transportation he'd be stuck in Hamilton, because only Dr. "GPS" Brown has a worse chance of getting a taxi than the Premier does.

Finally, I see that the violence in our society escalated while I was away.

The PLP's plan to increase our connection with Caricom seems to be working - we get more like Jamaica every day. It's so bad now that even the fish are getting involved - Marlin's going all 'Zidane' on fishermen was unheard of when the UBP was in power. n[[In-content Ad]]

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