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Dear Sir,

In your front page story last week, Sheelagh Cooper paints broad strokes, labelling "thousands" of fathers in Bermuda as paying inadequately due to "lenient magistrates". ChildWatch believes this is a gross exaggeration, unsupported by evidence [and offering] no practicable solution to alleviate the travesty affecting the children's emotional, educational and social development from fatherless homes.

Many fathers are concerned parents who have been alienated and separated and assigned as "visitors" to their children by the Court and Social Services with the mother as the "gatekeeper" - presenting a serious disadvantage to children and their father.

The figure of $60 a week cited by Mrs. Cooper seems to be the exception, rather than the rule. Perhaps these fathers have the children at times during the week, paying the child's care directly because of their living part time with the father. These fathers are fortunate to have their children. Mrs. Cooper does more harm to relationships rather than providing positive solutions regarding society's ills caused by fathers not having sufficient, if any, access to their children.

The story stated the plight of women; however, it's the plight of the children who are not benefiting by having their biological fathers assisting in parenting. Children often not allowed access to their fathers and made a stranger, due to anger of the other parent.

Many of Bermuda's societal ills can be traced to the lack of both parents in the lives of their children. If both parents are willing to share in the time spent and the financial contributions made as mutually agreed upon, then we would have fewer problems such as teen pregnancy, high school dropouts, gangs, drug and alcohol abuse.

Mother's whims

A number of fathers do not wish to pay because their children do not receive the benefits, with some benefits going primarily to the mother's whims, or as a recent court case highlighted, to pay legal fees, which seems to have become the norm.

There are no outcries when a father works hard all his life to provide for his family, and all of a sudden, children and assets are taken from him when the other spouse suddenly wants out of the relationship! Nor, when fathers pay more than $1,000 per month for their children, and the payments go for unnecessary expenses - nails, legal fees, fancy hair and spa treatments, trips overseas, and so on, while the children are neglected.

Economist Stuart Brinks, of Massey University of New Zealand, found that children from fatherless homes are:

5 times more likely to commit suicide;

32 times more likely to run away;

20 times more likely to have behavioural disorders;

14 times more likely to commit rape;

9 times more likely to drop out of high school;

10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances;

9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution;

20 times more likely to end up in prison.

Research done by numerous professionals around the world over 30 years showing similar results.

Is Bermuda society really concerned about the effects on our children and the root cause as to why they are having behavioural problems in the schools and at homes? Are we in denial and cannot see what is really happening? And can the almighty dollar fix it all? Children need the loving of both parents and extended family members to be wholesome individuals. Life is difficult for all, and we all should be encouraged to play a part in the lives of our children.

The legal system claims that mothers are the preferred parent, and fathers are denigrated to visitors. Fathers are only demanded to be involved when their children are having behavioural problems, years later, or when money is desired. But they make non-custodial parents responsible for their children when they have had no influence in their lives.

Shared parenting has been implemented in the following countries: Australia, Italy, Denmark, and a number of states in the U.S. with more calling for shared parenting, and soon Greece, New Zealand and Canada. We propose, too, that shared parenting be given serious consideration.

Edward Tavares

Co-founder of ChildWatch,

a parenting organization

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