Isn't it time to reach out to your children?

In most conversations I have about young people who are being raised by a single parent, adults seem to think they know what’s best for that particular child.

Although I’ve communicated with single parent children numerous times over the years, and made speculation, as many others do, about the supposed direct link between the child’s conduct and his absent parent, never have I had an in depth conversation with such an individual as I had with Dante Durham.

Dante was a guest on Generations this past Monday.

The phone lines were flooded with family and other well-wishing supporters who called in to encourage this young man to continue focusing on his positive attitude and outlook on life despite the fact that he is being raised without his biological father.

The advice he gave to absent parents was simple: start today to reach out to your child because you never know how that one call could make a difference in your child’s life.

The advice he gave to young people who don’t have both parents in their lives was powerful: strive for your dreams anyway.

This young man spoke volumes beyond his seventeen years.

Recalling the journey of his life, he spoke of how, at a very young age, his step father embraced him, his twin sister, and an older sister as his own children when he married their mother.

Having spent years trying to foster some kind of relationship with his birth father, Dante shared how he sees him once in a while at a particular activity they both attend and, at best, his father gives him a passing hello.

Step dad is ‘daddy’ to him, but he publicly announced that he would welcome an invitation from his father to spend a day with him so that they can talk and start to get to know each other.

Disappointed

But for him as a young man, he has given up trying to reach out having been disappointed and let down so many times over the years.

Dante is being provided with tools for a successful life but what about others in his undeserved predicament who are not so fortunate?

A tear-jerker moment was felt by all when I played over the airwaves a song entitled On My Own which Dante wrote expressing from his heart how he feels about being abandoned by his father.

I encourage everyone to listen to it and share it. It can be found on you tube by title and artist listed as yungd759.

Children grow tired of chasing after an absent parent.

Is it even fair that they should have to? And what about those people who feel abandoned children should never give up?

My guess is that those very people have probably never experienced firsthand the disappointments of being rejected over and over again by the very person who was supposed to love, nurture, and care for them for the rest of their lives.

It’s easy to make sideline judgments and suggestions on what children should do based on what we all feel is best for the child but what about the responsibilities that the absent mother or father are clearly ignoring?

At what point do we hold them responsible?

Would more responsible parenting help to decrease the acts of unsociable behaviours? How can an absent parent feel comfortable knowing that their child is being raised by a step parent?

Why don’t people hold these absent parents accountable for their children’s misdeeds? Some of them have continued to produce offspring despite showing evidence that they refuse to care for their first one.

This is a topic which certainly sits on the list of taboo topics because if and when we really do start to talk about it with a view to finding solutions we are sure to hurt someone’s feelings. Meanwhile many children are silently suffering. On Monday, May 14, the topic on Generations will be on step parenting and my special guest will be Dante’s step dad.

• Shawnette Somner is the host of Generations, which airs on DeFontes’ Broadcasting Company’s MIX106 FM at 7.30pm-9pm every Monday. Call in live during the show on 295-1061. Send comments and show ideas to [email protected]