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Kudos to the organizers of and participants in the "Rise Above, Bermuda" campaign. Of the many groups that have risen in response to the senselessness that has overtaken our community, this one has the greatest chance of success, at least in the short term.

We are, however, looking at a set of problems that are more than 30 years in the making. And while immediate action is vital, we must concurrently engage a long-term vision and plan of action.

With that in mind, there are three aspects of the current escalation in violence that we could address

1. Building relationships.

Unfortunately, most relationships in our lives just happen. Little is said and even less is done to actually build relationships. Yet, for the most basic, enduring and important journeys in our lives - the relationships we form - there is little thought or attention given.

The external forces of church and community pressure that once kept "the family" together, for example, are no longer as effective. We must develop an internal glue that does the job.

Starting with the most intimate relationship we have, with ourselves, we should want to develop healthy, trusting, reliable, nurturing and rewarding relationships.

Ideal relationships can and do occur by accident but the rate of success can be boosted and almost guaranteed by developing skills of relationship-building. In our community, the relationships between parents and children, between the cohorts of just about every age group, between business partners and competitors, between political parties, between people and their governments - all these relationships are in varying degrees of dysfunction and in need of healing.

One of the most common dysfunctions is unresolved conflict. Conflict itself is not necessarily a bad thing. The crux is how we go about resolving conflict. In far too many relationships, people resort to win-lose methods of resolution with the more powerful partner doing most of the winning.

This model drives people to focus not on building relationship but on gaining more power, whether through strategies of finance, politics or trickery; or the raw tools of fear, threats, intimidation and violence. These methods are almost always destructive for relationships, and almost always lead down a path of discord and disharmony.

Recommendation: teach constructive relationship-building skills to all children, starting at nursery school level.

2. Parenting and conflict resolution.

The ultimate skill of parenting is in building good relationships - between the biological parents, between the parents and the child(ren), and between the parents and the other adults who will influence a child's character.

Good parenting also depends on parents transferring these skills to their offspring. Far too often, parents - particularly young ones - haven't a clue about the importance of good relationships or the skills to build them. Far too often these unskilled parents pass on to their children unhealthy ways of resolving conflicts, mostly violence-based.

The range of parenting skills - establishing and cementing values (sometimes called morals), instilling a disciplined approach to life and tasks, channelling children's natural curiosity toward a thirst for knowledge and education, nurturing health, intellect and psyche - need to be a part of every child's upbringing.

Every child is potentially a parent, and once they become parents it's almost too late to begin parenting training.

Recommendation: teach every potential parent - that means every child, adolescent or younger - the basic skills of parenting, including skills of conflict resolution.

3. Stress reduction.

For humans, life continuously becomes more complex, more demanding and more stressful. Using drugs, legal or otherwise, or counselling to cope with stress usually takes place long after stress has begun crippling our mental and physical health.

Peace of mind is achievable but little attention is given to this. In fact, most of our entertainment, recreation and commerce thrive on unsettling our peace of mind.

Recommendation: impart proven stress prevention and coping techniques to the entire community.

Some of this is being considered and even attempted. But any leaders implementing these island-wide would leave a lasting positive legacy.

Resources:

1. Building Relationships: Anatomy of Peace (Arbinger Institute)

2. Parenting and conflict resolution: (Parent Effectiveness Training and other Effectiveness Training modules for Leaders, Youth and Teachers).

3. Stress Management and Reduction: Transcendental Meditation (www.tm.org) or other non-chemical techniques.

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