January 30, 2013 at 5:54 p.m.
How about the 'Ashfield D. Ventilator' reverse osmosis bong?
For people who like games there's a new one this year full of international intrigue stretching from Europe to the Caribbean: The John Deuss Cash Carousel. Are you Gouda Nuff to hide from your Dutch Uncle? See how far you Van Gogh before you cross the Holland-America Line. They might not find you but Amstel looking.
There are lots of DVDs available in Bermuda this year, but The Queen is not one of them as this film was banned by PLP. This was not, as you might expect, just another juvenile attempt by the Premier to provoke Government House and stir up anti-U.K. feelings in a desperate effort to promote the PLP's pro-Independence Agenda. In fact, the film was banned because Government thought it was about the renowned Bermudian transvestite Sybil Barrington.
Also banned was 'Casino Royale' in which blond agent provocateur Tony Brannon (Agent 151) fights the hypocrites of NABOB (Not Any Betting Other than Bingo) who are sworn to keep Bermuda in the grips of hyper-religious zealots intent on imposing their 19th century morality on the rest of us. It seems that with a general election on the horizon the PLP feels that it can't be seen to tolerate gays or gamblers.
One notable film did make it past the censors - a complex psychological thriller in which agents follow obscure clues as they try to solve a bizarre mystery. Follow their adventures as the travel around the world fighting secret societies and crazed albinos all while tryAing to break 'The DaCosta Code'.
And there is a new animated feature in which a mediocre politician is thrust into the leadership of his party after decades of nondescript service. He struggles for three years to build support for his vision of the future only to be overthrown by a power hungry Doctor before he can accomplish anything. What will he do now that all his work as been 'Flushed Away'?
For the reader in the family there is a new offering due out soon from PLP Press - an as yet untitled retrospective on the first three PLP Governments and their accomplishments. It is a short book full of intrigue and power struggles but it's not yet clear if it is fiction or non-fiction. Possible titles are said to include: The Third Time's a Charm, Three Strikes and You're Out and The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.
On the personal technology front there's a new gadget from Apple Computers developed in collaboration with Honda Cycles: An MP3 player mounted on a motor bike with a blue tooth link to speakers built into a crash helmet as well as cell-phone connectivity. The 'MoPod' is sure to be a hit with the teenager on your list. Just in time for your Holiday party there is a new collection of Seasonal Classics from The PLP Singers being released on CD. Tracks include: 'I saw Customs Searching Santa Claus', 'It's beginning to look a lot like an election', 'Colonel Burch is coming to town', 'A Guest where Fidel is' and 'The Marijuana Chorus'.
For the video game enthusiast on your list, the PLP Playstation 3 has finally been released. Allegedly 'new & improved' this version promises lots of the action that aficionados have apparently been waiting eight years to see. There were reports that some supporters may have been beginning to feel ripped off by the earlier versions that 'just didn't go fast enough'. It's too soon to tell if the change in programming will increase the flagging popularity of the brand, but one thing is certain: The new version will cost more.
For the marijuana smoker there is the 'Ashfield D. Ventilator' reverse osmosis saltwater bong. Available in green and white 'Party Colours' there are sure to be lots of hits with this gift.
Finally, if you're really stuck, there's always a gift certificate to the Department of Tourism Spa. Their skilled professionals are adept at massaging figures and with the liberal use of essential oils and aromatherapy they can make even the average client look like they're worth four hundred million bucks.
As we get closer to the big day things will start to get a little crazy, as they always do. But when everything seems to be getting out of hand just stop, take deep breath and remember - there is no 'Sanity
Clause'.[[In-content Ad]]
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