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I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I really admire David Burch.

The Colonel, as we like to call him, might not have the affable charm of the Kentucky Fried Chicken man, who is most people's favourite colonel. But my favourite colonel says exactly what he thinks, even if what he thinks is offensive or just plain wrong, and he's not afraid to tell you so.

You know it's what he really does think, direct and plain. No secret herbs and spices with this colonel.

He doesn't apologize and doesn't make excuses. You won't catch him saying things like: "I really wanted to speak on the subject, but I had to go to the toilet."

That's what another cabinet minister said the other day, after he dodged a parliamentary debate on gay rights. When the Colonel goes to the bathroom, you know he really needs to go.

Of course, if I were the Premier, I'd fire the Colonel from the cabinet, and kick him out of the Senate too. He is (as Julian Hall said recently) a walking public relations disaster, for his party and probably for Bermuda as whole.

Worse than that, the Colonel can be hateful and resentful and divisive. At a time in Bermuda's history when we desperately need to draw people together, the Colonel yanks the country in entirely the wrong direction.

If you're black and support the UBP, he'll call you a "house nigger".

If you object or get offended, the Colonel won't try to rephrase things a little more delicately (as one of his cabinet colleagues did) by saying black UBP supporters want to "be white". And he certainly won't get rattled at the furore, and claim (as this cabinet colleague did) that he was misquoted and really said black UBP supporters want to "be right". What on earth does that mean anyway?

No, you won't catch Colonel Burch beating that kind of retreat.

He says what he means

For the Colonel, offensiveness is the best defensiveness. If somebody objects to being called a "house nigger", he'll clarify things by calling them a "house nigger" a second time. Even if they keep on whining and complaining about it. When the Colonel doesn't like the way they appointed a Bermuda Regiment commander, he isn't stifled by political or regimental decorum: He publicly declares that the selection process was corrupt, and demands that the Governor should be recalled.

Or take the case of the Auditor General.

In the old days, when the auditor complained that Government money wasn't properly accounted for, cabinet ministers muttered about reports being filed late, systems being corrected, and the auditor not taking certain measures into consideration.

Not the Colonel. He uses his position as Works & Engineering Minister to boot the auditor and his staff right out of their office … and into another one too small without phone or computer connections.

Then he vows to find an auditor to audit the auditor general. Lesser men — in fact, just about every other man I can think of — would apologize at least a little when this kind of treatment was revealed to the public. But not the Colonel: He blamed the auditor, and that was that.

Hardly a day goes by when the Colonel doesn't give us a fistful of good reason for introducing a strict code of conduct for Cabinet Ministers.

I know there is no justification for a man like this to remain in the Cabinet. This country is made worse, not better, by leaders who hurl insults, belittle opponents, insult critics and view party loyalty as a measure of racial solidarity.

I know the Colonel is intelligent, more efficient and better organized than a lot of other people in the Cabinet. Yet every day he remains in office damages the country and harms his own Government.

Except…well, except I'd miss the entertainment if he went. And I guess the Premier — judging by his astounding refusal to criticize his conduct, let alone remove him from office –- feels pretty much the same way too.

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