There’s nothing appealing about a loud, vulgar woman

Just as it is often said that a mother cannot provide for a child those qualities that a father can provide, the reverse is true, too.

Mothers have been the nurturers of a bond which began inside her womb. Mothers tend to be the communicators, having started the process even before the actual birth of her offspring.  They provide all the touchy-feely stuff that fathers don’t usually provide by nature.

But what happens when a child is devoid of these motherly interactions? The result is no different than in the child who grows up without his father.  

There was a time when young girls learned how to be mothers and how to run a household by watching their mothers, grandmothers, and other women in their families. They imitated everything and this was demonstrated particularly in the manner in which just about all girls I knew played “house”.

Girls played the role exceptionally well — even nurturing their baby dolls as if they were living creature. Girls cooked, dressed up immaculately in their mother’s clothes, cleaned house and even had imaginary telephone conversations which ended abruptly with a command to tend to the pots on the stove or calm a crying baby.

Ironically, the manner in which we played house is no different than the way it should be in real life.

All praise to the mothers who are carrying out their duties sometimes above and beyond that which one person can reasonably be expected to handle. 

But what about those mothers who, like absent fathers, neglect their children? There is nothing appealing about a loud, vulgar woman — one who shows herself negatively in the eyes of others either through her appearance or conduct or both.

Ladylike qualities

It’s one thing to demonstrate negative behaviours as a woman‚ but far worse as a mother. 

Mothers must emulate ladylike qualities for their daughters and set the standard for the sons in terms of qualities to look for in their choice of female partner.

It is ironic that I’ve met many males of all ages who have described their female partners as having qualities just like their mothers.  

Some mothers make the choice, for a variety of reasons, to give their children up to someone else when they are born. 

For many children this has a lifelong psychological impact and as they grow into adulthood realize that the words, “I’m sorry” can never heal. 

Is this any different to the father who makes a choice to not be involved in their children’s lives for many years or not at all? 

It is most unfortunate that parents who are not actively involved in their children’s lives do not make a concerted effort to realize the full impact this has on the child or the community at large.

While I am fully aware that more and more children are being raised in single parent homes headed by a mother, I encourage all mothers, single or married, to “stick to the wicket” as best you can, despite how tired and rundown you may feel. 

It will involve numerous personal and financial and physical sacrifices but if you are your child’s sole source of support when the other parent is missing, you’ve just got to do it to the very best of your ability. 

I’m not sure that I believe that things will get easier over time.

In fact, I’m more inclined to believe they won’t. But being the mother you intended to be will pay off in the long run with children who will function in the world feeling loved, nurtured, and appreciated. n    

Shawnette Somner is an educator and mother. Email:
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