What to do about noisy kites and loud cellphone chats?

I had to call the Bermuda police department for the first time.

“This is not an emergency,” I told them straightaway when they answered, but I did have a request. “Can you shoot down one of those noisy kites?” I inquired. The dispatcher immediately passed me through to another officer and all I could think of was that this must be the “go to” guy for anyone who suggests gun violence as a response to noise pollution.

Honestly, that kite emitted a wail so loud and for so long that I was shocked that dozens of normally well-behaved citizens had not rallied together like an angry mob and pummelled the person responsible for ruining their afternoon nap. Trouble was, nobody could find where the annoying contraption was tethered. It was like some evil spirit taunting us from above and it went for hours. 

To be fair, the officer was sympathetic. “I can hear the kite right through your phone,” he said. So he was well aware of the situation. “You’re the fourth person to call,” he added. “So, what can you do?” I asked. He very politely informed me that the department was very lightly staffed for the holiday weekend and that an auto accident had just taken precedent over this growing public nuisance. Fair enough. I understood that completely. I had just finished reading two novels which dealt with horrible human suffering, including slavery in biblical times and female genital mutilation in contemporary ones, so I was well aware of the challenges that other people face every day. 

Embarrassed

To say that I was a bit embarrassed by my complaint compared to the other problems that police officers have to deal with would be an understatement. But, hey, nobody likes those kites except for the kids who fly them and the time has come to ban them or only allow them to be flown over the homes of their owners so that their parents  can field the flood of frustrated calls from neighbours rather than forcing the problem on police. 

“Bermuda kites make noise,” chuckled the officer, trying to placate me. And I guess he meant that we should be accepting of some aural annoyances in life. And I agree up to a point. But disturbances of the peace are becoming more commonplace. Let’s start with the mobile phone. 

I was waiting for a flight the other evening when a man I did not know was talking at full volume on his cellphone about matters that I assessed to be of a private, business nature. I mean really — would his employer really want the whole BA lounge to know how badly the company was doing?

Then there are the kids who simply yell: “Momma, momma, momma, momma...” The attention-seeking verbiage is endless but some parents either have become deaf to their child’s noise or they subscribe to the same attitude shared by my godson. Once when he was on a tear I sternly turned to him and ordered him to stop crying, to which he responded, “Auntie, I’m a baby. Babies cry”. 

Good point. But then take the baby out of the restaurant or the movie theatre or from wherever there are dozens of innocent  people who did not enter into this familial bargain with you and should not be subjected to out-of-control, noisy behaviour. 

Kids can’t help themselves. But their parents can. Calm them and their volume down. 

You don’t have a right to impose your “loudness” on other people. Plain and simple. So just stop it.

Be considerate. Be Polite. Be aware of your surroundings. You do not live on this planet alone and so you just have to control yourselves sometimes. If you don’t want to do that then go off and find a farm someplace with lots of acreage so you can really let loose. But while we’re all living in close quarters, put a lid on it.

Or in the case of a noisy kite, put a string on it and fly it over your house, not mine.