Burton's Banter: On a wing and a prayer at the End-to-End

Get a career: check. 

Enjoy the pink sands of Bermuda’s famous beaches: check.

Cycle 24.1 miles in a giant chicken costume from St George’s to Dockyard: errr, check.

Okay, so the First Atlantic Commerce group’s End-to-End exploits on Saturday probably weren’t on anybody’s life-long to-do list.

But that doesn’t diminish any of the stupid fun 19 of us had as we — in flock formation — pedalled our way across the island.

Any such mission requires a leader, of course, and we were led out of St George’s by our own Colonel Sanders, complete with white suit, bushy ‘tache and beard.

It was a surreal sight — and soon we were the subject of endless clucking noises from walkers and other cyclists as we rode past Tucker’s Point and on to South Road.

It goes without saying that an all-in-one chicken outfit was unbearably hot, but it was soon apparent it had its benefits.

Firstly, no-one could see my bulbous red face and the beads of sweat pouring from my head with every hill, however modest, I climbed.

And secondly, no-one could see the emotionless stare I gave every adult making ‘bwwaaakk’ noises at me.

I spared the children, though. The rather desperate concept of fully-grown adults making fools of themselves not yet understood, their bemusement as we all rode past was a joy.

“Mummy, was that really a chicken?” was heard countless times. 

As was “here come the chickens” (encouraging), “come on you nuggets” (slightly insulting), “why did the chicken cross the road?” (never answered) and “I’m going to fry you up good” (just plain weird).

Overwhelmingly, though, everyone got involved and helped us out, from clapping and shouting encouragement, videoing us on a phone from a scooter (a fine display of balance) and providing beers on our pit stops (a welcome boost).

Even the patrons of Woody’s refrained from mocking us too harshly, for which I thank them. I’m not sure I would have been so kind had roles been reversed.

All in all, a fun day, when the focus on fundraising and community was never lost, even as cyclists — and walkers — gasped for breath up Scaur Hill.

For the record, the First Atlantic Commerce team’s sponsorship total is expected to top $20,000, while a special mention must go to Keith Griffin who collected $7,465 alone before his company even had the opportunity to match it — a truly stunning effort.

Right, I’m off to eat wings.