Speed queen: Bermuda’s Flora Duffy. *File photo
Speed queen: Bermuda’s Flora Duffy. *File photo

Dear Santa,

As I have been very good all year and always had my protein shakes after my training sessions, I am sending you my list of  what I want for Xmas.

First of all I would like a book of really good excuses to give my spouse when I come back from my five- hour bike ride when I said I would only be about three hours.

• Secondly, I would like either a fully loaded Cervelo P4 or Specialized Shiv triathlon bike cause my spouse says that spending over $7,000 on a bike is a waste of money so I know she won’t buy me one.

• Thirdly, please register me for Ironman Canada cause the entry fee is about $600 and my spouse says that’s way more than the entry fee of $40 for my last Bermuda race so I should forget about it.

• Fourthly, I need  a gift voucher for a leg waxing because my wife won’t give me money to get a waxing because she says that only women should wax their legs.

• Fifth, can you find me a passworded alarm clock so that my spouse can’t switch it off the night before to make me miss my 4 o’clock bike hill session just out of spite.

• Please put lots of energy bars and gels, disposable razors (because I can’t get a waxing), water bottles and bike inner tubes in my stocking, instead of chocolates, toothbrushes.and the other usual bits.

• Lastly, could you please find me a book on triathlon that tells me how to go as fast as Tyler Butterfield and Flora Duffy.

Thanks — and by the way I won’t need any lycra trisuits because that’s the only thing my spouse actually likes about me doing triathlon! n

Tri & Mighty is a weekly column on the local triathlon scene.